Lots of times life starts to feel like its just a struggle to be around people, people that like me. When I'm talking to people or asking to hang out I feel like someones little brother tugging at their older brothers shirt whining "mom said you have to let me come with or you can't go." I feel like everything I do when I'm by myself is to either try and be around people (i.e make plans) or try to improve myself enough so that when I'm around them, they will like me. And then when I run out of jumping jacks to do or dishes to clean I stare at my phone, watching people talk or yell or scream or fight.
This is kind of sounding depressing, but that's not really what I mean by it. I mean I've just been thinking about a couple of things lately.
The first thing is this: everyone is the same as me. I don't mean this to be cliche or make myself sound humble (because you and I both know I'm not) but I just mean its funny -no matter what side your on, calm the hell down you politic obsessed fuck- to think that me and Donald Trump are both human, just made from a sperm and an egg. He's no more than me, at all, we are both just 2 guys who really don't know what the hell we are doing. It's kind of relaxing in a sense of like he isn't better than me and no one is, in the sense that we are all made from the same stuff and we are all the same kind. It's also kind of shit-yourself-terrifying because things start to get pretty existential if you think about that for too long (which is what I'm doing right now). The idea that none of us know why we are here or really what we are supposed to be doing is rather paralyzing. Like, we put on suits and walk around all day and pretend like we know a thing or two, but sometimes (most times) I feel like we are just doing it to distract ourselves from the bigger picture, from having to see ourselves, the human race, existing on a little blue marble that's literally just floating in mid-space. I guess I just mean that day-to-day life just seems like the ultimate procrastination, but I'm not really sure of what. I think maybe it's the thought of death. We put it off until it's happening. We wait right up until the deadline.
Ha ha.
The other thing I've been thinking about is my little sister. Specifically, how hard I should raise her. That sounds overly aggressive (almost David Goggy aggressive), but let me explain. I feel like I know what's best for her, but I'm just wondering if I'm doing too much or too little. I'm not her mom, but really that doesn't matter that much. I control how much impact I have on her, for better or for worse. I think I've decided that since she's only 7, I'll make most of the decisions that matter for her. For example: Last night I was babysitting her and she was watching Henry Danger on the couch. I always feel bad when I'm in the house, available, and she's just zoned out watching something on a screen (not to sound overly hipster or something). So, I turned on my janky LED lights, turned on some rather underground disco music, and told her to come downstairs, She yelled back that she wanted to keep watching her show, but I'm not gonna have that, cmon now. So, I went upstairs, picked her up, and dragged her down here. She did bite me, and she was very pissed off and yelly for about 5 minutes. The disco dance party ended 45 minutes later (past her bedtime, because I'm a cool sister, not a fucking straightedge who's gonna end the best disco party there ever was end just because a clock fucking told me to), and she was all smiles, asking me when we could do it again. In this instance, we had fun, but I 100% made it happen, and I like that I still have that control and I can still make an impact on her life. Like if I don't like that she's been sitting on screen for 3 hours, I can take it away, and she will forget about it in 10 minutes. I'm just scared for when she's 13 and I won't have a say anymore, for when I can't make her do
the cha cha slide with me, even though everyone knows that a bit of cha cha is good for the soul. I don't wanna dance alone, that's like one of the saddest things you can do by yourself, except like watch American Idol.
I guess the moral of this one is think about death and force others to attend your disco party? Sorry if this is a shitty one and isn't very funny
Actually fuck you this is my post I can write whatever I want on here you make this story, I did, so I'll write whatever I want to.
Tits Tits Tits
See?
Anyways, see ya next time, maybe I'll be in a jokier mood later in life.
YOU ARE READING
overly aggressive ramblings ;)
RandomThis is the honest type of bullshit. It's basically going to be an overly dramatic string of crude thought. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't, that's your choice, motherfucker.
