The forests atmosphere was cool and water droplets hung in the air, lightly brushing against my cheeks as I strolled through the swaying trees. Despite the cold morning air, the sun glowed from above, barely reaching me as it strained past the cracks left by the leaves, the dew gleaming in the soft yellow rays as they slowly evaporated to nothing.
My bag felt heavy on my shoulders as I find the usual spot and slump to the floor, gazing at the sturdy heavy old oak tree. I see our initials carved into the side and my eyes sting with unshed tears that I quickly force back.
I pull a pad of paper and a pen from my bag, ready to say my final goodbyes.
When I'm gone, release me, let me go.
You have so many things to see and do.
You mustn't tie yourself to me with too may tears,
Be thankful we had so many good years.
I gave you my love and you can only guess,
How much you've given me in happiness.
I thank you for the love you've shown,
But now it's time I travelled alone.
So grieve for me awhile, if grieve you must.
Then let your grief be comforted by trust.
Its only for a while that we must part,
But treasure our memories in your heart.
I won't be far away but life goes on,
And if you need me call and I'll come.
Though you can't see or touch me, I'll be near,
And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear,
All my love around you soft and clear.
And then when you come and walk this path alone,
I'll wait with open arms and greet with a smile,
"Welcome home."
I kiss the letter after signing it off and take it to the side of the tree. Then I reach inside my bag and pull out my length of rope I've had stashed away for a while.
This is it. Endgame. All those times I've slit my wrists I've know deep down I was still gonna live to see another day.
I was slowly losing it though. If I was to describe my depressive emotions and negative thoughts they were like gentle laps on the beach before. But now it's a tidal wave that continuously raises and crashes down on me again again and again. I was drowning, gasping for air reaching for a hand to help me but no hand reached back.
So this was for the best.
It doesn't take long for me to sling the rope up and tie it secure to the tree and then a loose hoop on the end.
I step up onto a pile of rocks under the noose that I'd been building slowly for a while. It was still secure.
I look through the noose at my empty tattered bag and let out a heavy sigh.
Them the tears start flowing and my breathing gets heavy. I just wanted help, but nothing worked.
I tried ok? Just know I tried, and I failed. I tried.
I step up and pull it over my head the silent tears still flowing. I reach into my pocket and hold onto the locket with our picture inside. Then without another thought I give the stones a solid kick and fall with one last breath, the words I love you dying on my lips.
