I find myself staring at your profile on my phone again. My finger hovers over the big capital letters, and for the seventh time today I consider forgetting it all and giving them another chance.
They'd been messaging me on everything they could, but I'd blocked everything. They hurt me so bad, but why do I want to forgive them? Why do I feel terrible? And not them?
And if they hurt me so much why does it hurt even more that they're gone?
UNBLOCK.
I stare at the word and it stares right back. I know I shouldn't, I KNOW I shouldn't. But they won't do it again right?
Right?
I bite my lip and press down without another thought. Slowly I type out the words,
Hey, I'm sorry for ignoring you and blocking you and for everything I guess. Can we talk?
Why was I apologizing? I don't know. At this point I don't even know who was in the wrong, I mean they said they felt terrible and the were sorry and I still ignored them, and they were so sad. Maybe I hurt them...
Which makes me just as bad doesn't it?
I get a reply within seconds.
I don't know. I think I need some space to think. You really hurt me.
What did I do? I don't understand...
Is this because I ignored them?
No. I'm not doing this again. I'm not falling into another trap.
I delete the conversation and block the profile, for good this time.
After all, giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet after they missed the first time, and I'm not going through that again.
(This is very shit and I'm very fuck-faced right now so yeah don't judge)
