I wonder what the sun feels like? I can feel a memory brushing against my head everytime I think about it. A gentle warmth stroking my skin, making it golden..
Maybe I'm remembering wrong. What does fresh air feel like, taste like? Is it cool? Or warm? Or nothing? Is it better?
Well. Anything can be better then thick musty air that smells of damp and fills your chest with dust. Maybe not the sun. That's to high of an expectation, or a dream.
Just a light will do. My eyes hurt, everything does. But I can feel my eyesight slipping away from me everyday I spend in the dark dingy room. I can barely see my hand in front of me, and when the doors opened and light comes in, I'm blinded as it's too bright, too bright!
What do showers feel like? Do they scold? Do they freeze? They don't let me wash. I haven't in a long time and I feel disgusting but I'm used to it. Grass or pavement, i'd kill to feel it on my feet again.
Sometimes, very rarely, they take me for a walk. They let me shower then usually. Only when they think I deserve it though. Which is barely ever. I sit here and do nothing and I'm still doing something wrong.
I can still remember the day I got put in here. I'd introduce my mum to my best mate, Noah. She's given me a weird luck and my dad turned around and said, "Honey he's just a child it's normal."
But she lost it when I invited him for dinner and I don't really know why. Dad tried to calm her down but she's been drinking... that poison shit again so no one was stopping her.
She attacked my dad, threw me and Noah in the basement and locked the door. She screamed crazy at me.
What had I done? I'm not sure. But I've been as nice as I could so she'll let me out. She just seems to lose her shit everytime I mention Noah and I don't understand why.
So slowly I've stopped mentioning him and now I don't. She seems calmer now.
I look over at Noah, and smile. He's curled in a ball nearby and he's looking up at me with soft eyes. "Are you cold? The floor usually is at night you can borrow my hoody if you like."
I flush and look down at the ground. We started dating a few weeks ago and he's so sweet. We can't exactly go on dates and stuff but we can cuddle and hold hands I guess.
"No thank you. It's early morning it'll heat up soon." I give him a closed eye smile and he chuckles.
"Your adorable." I cover my cheeks and whine in protest at the embarrassment. Then I sigh heavily and twiddle my fingers.
"What is it cariño?" Noah shuffles over and slings an arm over my shoulder.
"I know I say it everyday but I'm sorry I got us in this mess. I don't know what happened with the police and stuff and how were still down here but I just feel so guilty introducing you, even when my mum started acting psycho."
He pulls me closer and kisses my head. "Oh baby, it is not your fault. Sometimes I do wish we hadn't gone to your mum but everything happens for something. This is clearly happening for a reason."
I shrug him off and sit facing the wall. I force my tears back. I've cried so many times and I promised myself I wouldn't because what help has it given?
After a while Noah comes back and wraps me in his arms.
And somewhere in the back of mind I can't help but think I'm still cold despite his warm embrace.
