All The More Reason ✔

Chapter 40 - Listen

Wednesday

Senn was so done with the inability to explain himself. The whole matter was starting to eat him alive, and it needed to stop. Basically, he wanted nothing more than to find Elio in his seat next to him, on Wednesday morning during their first class.

When he wasn't, Senn already knew he didn't need to hope he would show up later. Which was why he took his stuff after third period and instead of joining his friends at lunch, he left school.

This needed to end. He was ready for the world to know just how much he liked Elio. He didn't care about the rumors that could, and probably would, follow once they actually confirmed all of it. As long as it meant he'd have Elio by his side, he would be fine.

Even if Elio didn't want to be with him romantically, Senn wanted him in his life as a friend. He needed his jokes, his advice, he needed strong and wise Elio.

He had expected that he would have to argue to get inside, but it was Fabio who answered the door, smirked, and simply told him Elio was up in his room. No but's, no anger, no jokes; nothing Killian would definitely put Elio through would the roles be reversed.

Senn didn't want to take time to reminisce over the fact he was back in his old home. He didn't want to think about the few memories he had, or the fact he still felt defeated over how many he lost. He was on a mission, and Elio was going to listen, whether or not he wanted to.

Elio always knew what to say, how to act, or what to do. He was confident and funny, smart and attractive. So, Senn knew, without a doubt, Senn could take a few angry words on his behalf. Senn felt like he was entitled to yell back at him, especially after the endless radio silence.

But when Senn threw open his bedroom door, his eyes found a red-eyed Elio, staring at him from the windowsill where Senn himself always used to sit to enjoy the view.

"I-I," Senn started, but he couldn't yell at Elio while he looked so vulnerable. "What happened?"

Elio sniffed, whipping his nose on his sleeve bitterly, before staring out of the window again. "You," he replied with a hoarse voice. "and everything else."

"Me? If you would just let me explain, you would know I didn't do shit."

"It takes two to tango, Senn."

"It only takes one to take initiative, and it takes seconds to respond and push them away." Senn took in a deep breath, closing the bedroom door behind him, leaning against it. "I'd rather tango with you, and I told Julian the same, that night, three seconds after he tried to kiss me."

Senn expected an answer. Any answer. Angry or relieved, or forgiving, or as a definite ending to whatever it was they had. None came. Elio just kept staring out of the window.

He wasn't really seeing anything that happened outside in the real world; his eyes weren't moving around with the movements. It seemed more like he was just staring into the distance, thinking about what Senn had told him, trying to come up with an answer.

But it remained silent, and eventually, Senn slid down against the door until he was seated on the floor, sighing deeply.

"You can't ignore me forever. You have to go back to school some day."

"Is that what they told you, when you didn't go to school the first few weeks?"

Senn chuckled gently. "Actually, I made a promise to Killian to try."

"Do you regret going back?"

"No, because I met you. And in the midst of this giant mess, there was a small dot of light that started guiding me through the days." Senn retrieved his diary from his backpack, opening it to read a few sticky notes out loud. "Because I haven't seen the world yet. Because I never experienced true love. Because I never went sky diving..."

"Then why did you hurt me so badly? If I mean that much to you, that I guided you... why do you make me feel so lost?" Elio whispered; his voice nearly breaking.

"I didn't do that on purpose," Senn whispered back, getting up to walk towards Elio. "I didn't mean to. I stopped it the second he kissed me. Because I didn't want him to kiss me, I wanted you."

Elio snorted, and while Senn tried to pull him into a hug, Elio pushed his arms away. "Wanted. Elio muttered bitterly. "I fucked up, I'm a fool. I should've listened but it's so fucking scary."

"What's scary?" Senn asked, giving up on trying to hug Elio. He clearly wasn't okay with it, and Senn didn't want to push too much.

"Dating." Elio mumbled, turning further away from Senn. "I don't ever want to get hurt by anyone ever again. But it feels like it's bound to happen eventually."

"Maybe you need to elaborate," Senn mumbled, before he placed a gentle kiss on top of his head. "Who hurt you before?"

"My ex," Elio said, before he took in a deep shaky breath. "After... mom... well, I was a mess and I thought my girlfriend was there for me through everything. But eventually I found out, at a party I didn't even want to go to, that she was cheating on me. It started shortly after the accident. When I confronted her, she said she was young, not willing to date a depressing guy like me. So, I swore to never be depressed again, and to never commit to something that serious either."

"What she did is fucked up, but—"

Before Senn could finish his sentence, a door slammed, and angry voices echoed through the house.

"Bitch, it's mine!" a female voice shrieked. "I'm sick and tired of you stealing my stuff!"

"I don't have it! You fucking bore. Why would I want to wear your depressed clothes?"

Senn did recognize the second voice, but before he could say anything, Elio grabbed his wrist as he rose up from his seat. "Let's talk more outside. I really need to get out of here before I murder any of my siblings."

Senn, not wanting to comment on it, or ask Elio what was going on beside their fight—it seemed obvious Elio was way more upset than one would expect from just a fight with a potential boyfriend—so he simply nodded and followed Elio out of the room, out of the house, and eventually towards the river.

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Love, June