All The More Reason ✔

Chapter 43 - Two to tango

Sunday

It was hard to get a hold of Elio, and even showing up on his doorstep on Friday evening and Saturday afternoon had been useless. Both times, Elio hadn't been home, and nobody had been able to tell Senn where he had gone off to. He wasn't in the playground, he wasn't by the river, and Senn had even visited the treehouse to see if he would've perhaps gone there to hide.

Seen knew Elio was sick of his siblings and that it was probably why he continuously left home without telling them where he went. But that didn't make it easier for Senn to tell him just how much it was starting to bother him that Elio rudely outed him to everyone.

He had done his best to ignore the people at school who were making comments on it, but they weren't even the worst to him. No, Senn struggled far more with the girls who were fangirling over them, following him everywhere he went.

Then Joyce had made it clear it really wasn't okay that Elio did it, and after that, Samantha, Avan and Lucas all had admitted they all were a little angry over it because it simply wasn't Elio's place to publicly out Senn, simply to confront him with something that had been a big misunderstanding.

Which caused him to realize it was in fact bothering him still. Even though he did want Elio to forgive him, he started wondering if that would be enough. Maybe he still needed to forgive Elio too.

And he couldn't forgive him, until he knew for sure Elio understood that what he did was wrong, and that he regretted it.

And if things were ever going to work out between them again, he needed Elio to put in just as much effort as he was. He needed him to invest just as much time into making up. He didn't need Elio to hide from the world just because he was feeling shitty; Senn was feeling shitty too. Yet, here he was, for the third day in a row, in front of his door. He wasn't hiding, he wasn't denying, and he sure wasn't letting fear overpower him.

Part of him expected Fabio to once again open the door, and he had started to wonder if Elio's dad was ever even at home. Or if anyone besides Fabio bothered to open the door.

But then Elio was the one who answered the door, after he had rung the doorbell repeatedly. He stared at him with sleepy eyes, beholding confusion once he woke up enough to realize where he was, what he was doing, and who made him get out of bed at two in the afternoon to open de door.

"Senn?"

"We need to talk."

"Can't this wait? I rather go back to bed—"

"It can't," Senn replied harshly, pushing the door open just far enough to slip in beside Elio.

"Senn, this really isn't—"

"No, it is," Senn cut him short, rolling his eyes in annoyance. "I've felt shitty ever since that goddamn party. I feel shitty and I've been so focused on getting you to understand that I am not a cheater. That I can be trusted, that it was all a big misunderstanding. That I want this to work."

"And you convinced—"

"No, stop talking," Senn held up his hand, "I've felt terrible, thinking I messed things up. I was so focused on what I did wrong, that I completely ignored the fact I'm livid about the fact you outed me in front of half the school and then went into fucking hiding to let me deal with the aftermath!"

Elio blinked a few times rapidly, opening his mouth to reply, yet apparently unable to actually voice a few simple words. Senn didn't even know what he wanted Elio to say. You're right? I'm sorry?

"You fucking outed me over a misunderstanding that could've easily been resolved by simply talking to me in private! But you drank a shit-ton of booze in three seconds, told everyone I'm into guys, and you're a fucking coward for hiding, and a lousy fucking friend for making me feel so bad, while what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you! Because let's face it, Elio, you called me a cheater for what I did a year ago when we didn't even know each other, but you? You took my coming out away from me and you haven't even said sorry for it!"

Senn was surprised by himself. He really hadn't realized it was bothering him enough to yell at Elio. He probably denied being angry over his coming out. He had made up excuses to explain why Elio did it. But now that he was actually confronting Elio about his action, he felt the anger that he had been pushing away for so long.

"I am sorry," Elio replied with a soft voice, staring at his hands. "I wish I could take it back because it wasn't my place to tell others. And I've been telling myself you weren't angry because you never said anything about it, but that was wrong. Outing you was wrong, and not telling you how sorry I am was even worse."

"Then why the fuck are you hiding? If you think it is so wrong of you to do all this, then why are you?"

"Because I'm a fucking coward, okay? My last coming out wasn't anything pretty and back then it didn't even feel like such a big deal because I wasn't in love with the guy as much as I am in love with you."

"Y-you-you're in love? With me?"

"Would I be such a jealous fucking monster over the fack I saw another guy kiss you? Would I be such a mess if I didn't care about you? I have trust-issues, so I simply don't trust anyone. Because I don't end up a total and utter mess if they break my trust. With you? I couldn't help it. And that doesn't make things right. But I'm ashamed of myself and I rather stay away from you, than hurt you."

"Well, Elio," Senn grumbled, "You've succeeded anyway. Because after our talk on Wednesday, I thought the both of us would try everything we could to fix this. But you rather hide shamefully in you bed than fight for us."

Senn ran outside before Elio could talk back. He didn't even know why he ran. Probably because that's what he had been doing from everything ever since the accident; run and hide.

Then why was he so angry that Elio was doing exactly the same?

Before he had time to think about it more, Elio had caught up with him, turning him around by pulling his arm.

"I'm sorry, okay? You're absolutely right. I pushed you so hard to stop hiding, knowing why you do it. I was wrong to out you, and I was wrong to let you fight on your own."

Senn sighed, dropping his head, staring at Elio's hand holding his wrist tightly.

"Let me prove to you that I want this. That I want to trust you, and that you can trust me too."

"It takes two to tango, indeed," Senn looked up, suddenly feeling tired, "Join the dance and show me that we're in this together. That we both want things to be okay again."