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KIM WOULD TELL EVERYONE THAT SHE WAS A CHAMPION AT HANDLING HARD FEELINGS. Except she was a liar and she cried over hard feelings every single day. And she had every right to. She was abandoned at birth, her parents are divorced, she has suffered (suffering) through an eating disorder and two of her boyfriends cheated on her. Every day felt hard. Every day felt harder than the last. But today. Today was the first day in months where she woke up without feeling sad or scared or confused. She felt light on her feet. Every hardship was still there, lingering in an overwhelming urge to rid herself of her breakfast. It would never go away. Maybe that's why Kim ditched therapy in the first place. Because if the urge was never going to disappear then what was the point? She had to live with this for the rest of her life whether or not she hashed out abandonment issues with Dr Dunbar.
Unlike her brother, Kim wasn't certain about anything. Dawson had his life mapped out from the moment he saw E.T. at six years old. But Kim, she didn't know anything and that uncertainty was driving her crazy. The one thing she thought she was certain about was Pacey and oh how wrong she was. Kim had no answers for her current life much less her future. She'd spent every week with the career's councillor looking for new routes of opportunity to explore but nothing would fill her with satisfaction.
Even though Kim had forgiven Pacey, or in actuality just pushed everything to the depths of her brain (and her stomach) like the rest of her problems, she still went out of her way to distance herself. She hadn't spoken to him since her birthday party where she drunkenly confessed her pain. She wasn't ready to face him. In a perfect world, Kim wouldn't face Alisha after her comment that insinuated more than friendship but Kim was slim on friends so instead she buried it with everything else.
Kim sat at lunch with Alisha, Joey and Jack. Jen had been avoiding the group in an attempt to explore the dark parts of herself with Abby. Kim missed her terribly. It was weird being around Joey after everything. They never really got a chance to talk, mostly because Kim didn't want to. Joey didn't approach the subjects that were lingering on her mind. Kim had a habit of fleeing at sights of danger. So, instead of blatantly asking questions, she tried to act normal as she observed. Everyone believed that Kim was on the mend, all but Pacey who still kept her secret despite what happened. She still wasn't sure why he hadn't blabbed but she was eternally grateful.
Joey tried her best to act natural. With Jack recently out and him being her ex-boyfriend and all, there needed to be some re-adjustments. They all sat around the cafeteria table as Joey judged each male that walked past her line of vision. What looked like an attempt to make a point to Jack, it was actually a common lunch time ritual that Joey and Kim had taken apart in since freshmen year.
"Loser...pervert...serial killer...airhead." Joey muttered. "Okay, Jack, it's your turn to rate the guys in the lunch line."
Jack laughed uncomfortably. "Joey, I appreciate your attempt to bond with me and my new identity, but I'm not going to check out guys with you."
