say hello wave goodbye

7: tried to bring yourself up without involving me (1979)

November 1979

"Jesus Christ, Carol! Are you still pissed about that goddamn hippo?"

Lindsey could take it no more. He had been trying to ignore Carol Ann ever since she plunked herself down on the couch as soon as they returned to their room post-show, crossing her arms sternly and making intermittent 'hmmph' noises, but he was at his limit.

He understands now why a married guy doesn't go looking for a mistress on his own street. It's too fucking complicated. Not only to keep your wife from suspecting anything, but to keep them both happy at the same time. It's just not possible. If there's some physical distance between them, then you can stay away from whichever one has you on their shitlist at the moment. But when they're neighbors? Good luck with that.

It's enough to make him wish they were back in the studio recording Tusk, for fuck's sake. At least then he had the option of telling Carol she had to stay home when he needed some alone time with Stevie. He had been 'at the studio' for days at a stretch, only coming back to the house to change clothes, and she was none the wiser. It didn't work like that on the road.

The last long period of uninterrupted time that he and Stevie had together was the afternoon when he sent Carol shopping with Sara. It started with them playing with that vibrator and ended with her waking him up from a nap with his dick in her mouth. She took her time kissing and licking every inch before swallowing him down at an agonizingly slow pace, holding his hips to the mattress and bringing him to the edge again and again before she finally gave into his pleading and let him come.

Since then, things between them had been better than they had been in a very long time. They laughed and joked and flirted with each other backstage and during soundcheck, and he took every opportunity he had to sneak into her dressing room for a quick rendezvous. Any guilt he might have felt was tempered by the knowledge that their last two shows had also been better than ever. Maybe some of it was because they were starting to get more comfortable with the material, but also knew that he just played better when he could still taste her on his tongue. Sure, sometimes it helped to have all that anger bubbling up inside him that he could channel into his performance. This was much more fun, though, being able to trade knowing looks and smiles and stand so close to her in front of tens of thousands of people while thinking she's mine.

But then he got offstage and had to deal with Carol, who had barely left his side all week. She could be pretty clueless, but she wasn't completely obtuse, and he could tell that she sensed something was up. He had made her stay back at the hotel during soundcheck for the past three days and she whined about it the same way he used to when his mom wouldn't let him ride his bike to the park with his brothers. It shouldn't have been such a big deal, because she usually stayed behind by choice so she could sleep off the night before or spend more time on her makeup or whatever the hell it was that she did, but now she didn't want to let him out of her sight.

He was considering whether to ask Stevie to skip the after-show festivities next time and come back to the hotel with him. No one would think it unusual that he wasn't there, and Carol never turned down a party. If anything, she'd probably be happy that he wasn't giving her shit about wanting to go out. He thinks Stevie would be down for it, but she can be tricky and he doesn't want her to start accusing him of trying to control her or monopolize her time when he's not doing either one of those things. All he wants is a few hours alone with her. Having a quick fuck before the show is fun, he's got no complaints there, but he wants the chance to really make love to her, to take his time and make her feel worshipped and adored and...no. He can't say it, not even in his head.

Tonight they all had dinner together before the show and then hung around backstage, killing time before they had to start preparing in earnest. Carol was on one side of the room, gambling his money away in a poker game because she was keeping her eyes fixed on him instead of paying attention to her cards. Not that he was doing anything worth watching, just idly strumming his guitar- until Stevie came over and sat down beside him on the couch. "She's not gonna go away, is she?"