say hello wave goodbye

57: despite my faults and despite my growing fears (1993)

I'm back! And with something a little different this time...

Unlike most things I write, I outlined this story pretty methodically before I started writing just to balance the two eras out, and I've done pretty well at sticking to my original plan. I had always envisioned having one chapter in the middle that was neither Tusk or Dance-era, something from the time in between, but I ended up scrapping my original idea for that chapter. Fast forward to now, when I was writing the next 1997 chapter, and a couple of sentences that were meant as an aside started screaming at me like "there is more to tell here!". So I followed that voice and this is what came out of it- mostly stuff that was sort of my own headcanon for the story but that I never really anticipated writing into the actual fic.

The original kernel of this idea came from that one infamous Ledge post, but this is probably a good time to stress that this is all fiction and that I'm not an expert on this subject matter. I've sprinkled in little bits of my own experiences and experiences of people I know, the way I always do, but any inaccuracies are all mine.

As far as content warnings- lots about drug/alcohol abuse and a few references to self-harm. The Dr. Kiley that Stevie mentions is from a 70's medical drama called Marcus Welby, MD. Dr. Kiley was one of the main characters- a young, good looking doctor played by James Brolin who rode a motorcycle.

Uh, I think I'm finally done talking. Thanks for all your patience in waiting for an update and thank you in advance for reading/commenting!

December 1993

The receptionist smiles in recognition when she sees Lindsey walk through the door, looking more cheerful than usual despite being at work on a holiday. "Merry Christmas. Go on back, I'll let the nurses' station know you're coming."

"Thanks," he says, hands full of shopping bags stuffed with gifts of various sizes. He manages to make it to the right floor of the hospital without dropping anything, even if he's slightly out of breath when he arrives at his destination.

"Oh, you're here early." The head nurse glances at the clock when she sees him and nods. "Can you wait here one second?"

"What? Why? Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing like that. Just...I'll be right back."

She takes off before he can respond, and the nurse who's typing something on the computer shrugs. "Sorry, don't know what that's about. Got any plans for today?"

"Uh, just...this." It's not like he had anyone else who really wanted to spend time with him. His on again, off again girlfriend (currently off) was out of town visiting family, and his own family hadn't seemed too broken up when he'd called to tell him he wouldn't be making it up there for the holidays this year. He hadn't shown his face for Thanksgiving last month either, hadn't even bothered to come up with an excuse, but he doesn't think he was missed. Something about being back home just brings out the worst in him, all those memories of much better times that aren't bittersweet as much as they just make him feel more bitter than he already is.

"Okay, the coast is clear!" the head nurse announces as she returns, giving Lindsey a big smile. "Last night was good. The doctor's running a little late today because she wanted to be there when her kids opened presents this morning, but I think she's going to have good news when she gets here."

"Really? That's great, Sarah, thanks." Good news had been in short supply lately. Today marked two weeks since Stevie had checked in, and she still hadn't been cleared to move out of the detox ward- something that was supposed to only take a week at max. She had started making more progress in the last couple of days, but the doctor had told her that she didn't want to make any promises until she was sure that Stevie was ready.