say hello wave goodbye

63: anything you feel that you can believe in (1980)

Hello! This continues on from where the last chapter left off, backtracking slightly so you can find out what went down between Carol and Lindsey.

CW: minor violence, disordered eating.

June 1980

one hour earlier

"Goddamnit, I can't believe it! That's so typical. That's just typical fucking Stevie for you," Lindsey spits out as soon as they return to their hotel room that night.

Carol Ann tries to choose her words carefully. "Linds. Honey. I don't think she knew that Don was going to be there. And anyway, he left by himself a few minutes afterwards, so."

"That's all it takes, isn't it?" He snorts at his own joke, opening up another drink. "Wait, how the hell do you know all this?"

"Because I saw him show up at her door and then I saw him leave." She doesn't dare mention that Don also saw her and made a pass at her even though he didn't remember her name. It wouldn't matter that she just laughed nervously and made a graceful exit, not in Lindsey's eyes.

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Why would I? You didn't ask. Nothing happened. And even if it did, what are you going to do about it? You've gotta let her live her life."

"What, her life that she doesn't want to be living?" He snorts again when Carol tilts her head to one side. "Oh yeah, you didn't hear? She told me that she would've rather I let her die. What the hell was I supposed to say to that?"

"She was upset, Lindsey, I'm sure she didn't mean it-"

"If I hear one more fucking person tell me that! Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because it doesn't. So if that's all you have to say, you can just shut the fuck up."

Carol nods and takes his advice. The last thing she wants is for him to accuse her of being on Stevie's side, because she doesn't think that she is. She's not on either side- it's just a shitty situation and they're both making it worse by being shitty to each other, the same way that they always are. But she remembers what it was like after she had her baby, how awful she felt physically and how lost she felt mentally. If they would've sent her home from the hospital empty-handed, she might have gone a little crazy too, so it's hard to fault Stevie for much.

"What, now you're going to ignore me?"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Lindsey, you told me to- never mind. I'm tired. It's been a long day. Can we just go to bed?"

"Whatever." He finally stops pacing and sits down on the edge of the bed, hands combing roughly through his hair. "So you were really never going to tell me, is that it?"

Carol Ann lets out a half-sigh, half-scream. "Will you let it go? It's not a big deal and you don't need to make it one."

She shuts the bathroom door behind herself, ignoring whatever he was muttering as she starts washing off her makeup. Come to think of it, maybe she is a little bit on Stevie's side, or else she's just running out of sympathy for him. He's been through a tragedy, for sure, but being the supportive girlfriend is hard when she feels like she's carrying around all this weight in silence and he still has never apologized for cheating on her, or for hitting her just for having the gall to be mad about him cheating on her. He shut her out with barely a goodbye and then wanted her to jump on a plane and fly across the world for him on a moment's notice when things went bad with his new/old girl. You would think he'd apologize, or they could at least talk about it, but she knows more than to expect that by now.

By the time she leaves the bathroom, her mood has soured even more. But then she sees him sitting on the floor, head bowed and hugging his knees to his chest, and her anger is temporarily forgotten. "Linds?"