say hello wave goodbye

64: can't stop what's on its way (1998)

Hello! This chapter is a little shorter than most, but it's been so long since I've updated that I decided it was probably better to have a shorter chapter now than a longer chapter later. In any case, thank you for sticking with me!

February 1998

"I think I'm ready to talk about it," Stevie said to Lindsey as they laid side by side in the dark, one of the dogs sprawled out on top of his bare feet. "About going to rehab for a second time. Talking about it in public, I mean."

He frowned at her disjointed explanation, then turned his head toward her in surprise once he caught on. "Oh yeah?"

"Mmhmm. It's just...I want to be honest with people, you know?"

He didn't, not really. People seeing into his psyche through song lyrics was about all he was comfortable with, and sometimes not even that, but they were different that way. "If that's what you want. You shouldn't feel like you owe it to anyone, though."

"I don't. But I think it's... I want my fans to know how much it means that they stuck by me through everything, and I'd rather tell the story myself and share what I want to share before someone else does it for me." There may not be a market for gossip about her the way that there was 25 years ago, but these days with the cellular phones and the internet on the computers, it seems like news travels much faster than it used to. "Some of it I don't want to talk about. But if it warns someone that you've gotta be careful with benzos and you should be worried if your doctor tells you to take them as often as you want- then it's worth it."

"Whatever you decide, you have my support," he promised, kissing her knuckles and nudging them with his nose until he got the corners of her mouth to curve upward.

"Linds?" she asked, face serious again. "What did you end up doing with the prescription pad?"

"Burned it. The very next day." He'd driven out to Phoenix the morning after he'd said goodbye to her in rehab under the guise of picking up some stuff she needed, and Lori and Chris were kind enough not to ask why he spontaneously decided to light up the fire pit and have a solo bonfire, or why he decided to spend the night in her room (her bed still smelled like her and he couldn't bring himself to move anything, so he slept on top of a pile of stuffed animals).

He thought she'd be satisfied by that answer, but she still looks deep in worry. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Back then...I wasn't completely honest with you," she said, fingers playing with the tassels on the edge of one of her many throw pillows. "I told you I didn't steal it. But that was a lie, kind of." She hesitated, and he forced himself not to interrupt. "What really happened was I tried to steal it and I got caught. I didn't realize there was a camera in his office- I'm not even sure that's legal, really, but anyway. He threatened to turn me in and I begged him not to. In the end, we made a deal."

"And he let you keep it." She nodded. "Stevie... Jesus."

"I said I wasn't proud of it," she reminded him, hugging the pillow to her chest with a defensive frown.

"No, no. I'm not blaming you," he promised, and not for the first time, he had a vision of his hands around this so-called doctor's neck. The old Lindsey would've done it without hesitation. "What kind of shrink secretly videotapes his patients so he can blackmail them?"

"Probably the kind who has patients stealing from him," she said with a one shouldered shrug. He might have taken advantage of the situation, but she was the one who got herself into it to begin with and she wasn't willing to risk being arrested. So she did what she had to do. "Anyway, it's over and done with. I just... never felt right that I lied to you about it, not after everything you did for me. I needed to get it off my chest."