Endless (Reckless #2)

Endless - Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Nash - January

I have thought of her every day for the past two weeks.

I try not to.

But the memories of her laughter and smiles are encased within me forever. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t forget what we had - and didn’t have.

The smell of liquor surrounds me as I pour down another shot, my throat burning from the acidic taste. The sound of a band performing rings through my ears, but I try to block it out.

I’ve been in Chicago for the past few weeks, staying with my mother. Kane came with me, something about being my “moral support.” But to be honest, I think it’s to make sure I don’t chase after the one person who I desire - who I crave.

I’ve thought about going down there, to look for her. But something inside me thinks she wouldn’t want that. Something inside me thinks that she’s moved on, forgot about me.

And that makes the pain ten times worse.

Reaching into my wallet, I pull out the worn piece of paper. I’ve read her letter every day and every night. It’s something that keeps me connected to her.

I reread the same sentences, hearing her soft, melodic voice.

Thank you for all the memories and new experiences you showed me. Thank you for bringing me back to myself. And most importantly, thank you for showing me what love truly is.

Love.

I’ve never fallen in love with someone before. It’s always just been meaningless one night stands and random chicks who digged rockers. Nothing ever meant anything.

Until her.

She changed everything.

I never believed that I would ever deserve love; I still don’t. But with her, I feel wanted, needed, loved. She lied when she said I would want her to disappear from my life; I can’t live without her in my life. She buried herself in my mind and soul, and I don’t think she’s ever going to leave.

Anger courses through my veins. I keep blaming myself for letting her leave; for not walking off the stage, stopping her from walking out of my life. But I blame her too. I blame her for leaving me, without saying goodbye. I blame her for walking away when things got tough. I blame her for lying to me, not trusting me. I blame her for making me fall in love with her.

But I still love her.

I think I always have.

And I always will.

I fold the note back in my wallet and down another shot. The alcohol is helping. It takes away the emptiness I feel. I can’t go down my apartment stairs and knock on her door. I can’t hear her voice or laughter. And I can’t see that breathtaking smile.

My days go by slow. Kane tries to keep me occupied, bringing me to bars. He usually runs off with some random chick, doing God knows what. He tries to take my mind off of her - throwing girls at me. I brush them off, stiffening when they try to press themselves against me.

Back then I wouldn’t mind the attention. But now, I feel disgusted with the thought of hooking up with a random girl for one night.

I don’t talk to the others that much. I haven’t heard a word from the band or Melanie ever since I left. I could tell that Kane wanted to go back, that he missed the feeling of performing on stage, but I don’t think I can. There are too many memories there; she’s everywhere I look.