Endless (Reckless #2)

Endless - Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Nash - February

Two months.

That’s how long it’s been since I’ve last seen her, heard her voice, saw her breathtaking smile.

The end of January and the beginning of February have gone by in a blur. Time doesn’t matter to me anymore; the days speed by. Time used to be something that I held onto, always making sure I use every minute of it by doing something worthwhile. Now, I don’t care about it. Now it just flies by, leaving its dark shadow behind.

It’s the same thing everyday: wake up, leave the house, aimlessly drive around, go to a bar with Kane, go to sleep. Nothing spectacular; nothing interesting. I don’t have the heart nor the mind to do anything because they’re both occupied with thoughts and memories of her.

I’ve gotten better. I used to think about her non-stop, everything triggering a memory of her. I would see her in every girl that walked by me. I think it’s my mind’s f *cked up way of telling me that it’s time; that she’s not coming back to me.

That it’s time to move on.

But how does someone move on when they thought they found the one?

The one who makes them feel good; who makes them a better person.

I’ve never been the relationship type of person. I never had girlfriends. I never wanted one; it was just a complication - something that would get in the way of my love for music. My high school years consisted of parties, alcohol, music, and random, faceless girls.

Every one of the girls I’ve slept with only wanted to f*ck me because I was the lead singer of a band. But I didn’t really care about that back then. Like I have said plenty of times: I f*cked them and moved on.

Now… now I want to give myself fully to someone. I want Adelaide to have my heart, my soul, my mind.

F*cked-up, right?

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, though. Kane says I’m - and I quote - “pu**y-whipped;” whatever the h*ll that means. He claims that she has “officially consumed me.”

I’m starting to think he’s right.

I don’t do much during the days. I know I should get a job; something to pass time. What? I don’t know. I didn’t go to college, so it’s not like I’m certified in any of that sh*t. Don’t get me wrong. I wanted to go. I still do, but I can’t afford it.

So what does a twenty-two year old with no college education do? The only thing I can think of that I’m actually good at is music.

Music has started to come back to me. I’ve picked up my guitar recently, strumming familiar rhythms and melodies. My fingers strum random chords, turning into new creations. Kane told me that it’s good having my head back into music; it’s something to distract me. The band hasn’t played anywhere since Kane and I left. They insist that I come back and start playing with them again, but I don’t think it’s the right time just yet.

Hudson has too many memories and too much pain.

My mother is always home. She doesn’t work, only using the money that her and my father saved up through the years - the money they never shared with their son. But I’ve gotten over it. What good does it do to reminisce all the horrid details? Don’t get me wrong; I’m still pissed at the f*cked up mess I went through. But it’s over; it’s in the past.

I’m living in the present, and so far, it’s not all that f*cked up.

But my future - my future - walked away from me. She walked straight out of my life, leaving me with nothing but questions, nothing but pain, and nothing but misery.