𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 ✔︎

||17||

(Continuation of the last letter Bilal was writing)

Husna, there's nothing more heart wrenching for me than this departure. For the sake of my country,for the sake of Ma and for the sake of Allah,I am happy to do this. Share a piece of my happiness,will you? I will pray this time passes soon and in a blink of eyes. I pray your pain reduces every time you recall few trances of love I could make you feel.

I will come back. I will. I want. And if Allah wishes it,I will surely come to embrace you again in my arms.

Your Awaiting husband,
Bilal.

I wrote the final part of the letter and heaved a sigh of deep breaths. My body was shrimping very heavily, a shivering cloaked all over it. I wondered it was a little feverish feeling.

I opened the wooden box and digged the letters delicately, then put the last letter under them like some precious thing was being kept. I didn't dare to raise my eyes at Husna as I knew I would grow weak, I would break down and weep. Bugling the bag in my left shoulder and the suitcase in one hand, I left the room. It happened in a blink of eyes I can't believe. I tried dreadly to get Husna out of my mind.

Across my heart, the thudding fear of leaving my mother in the hands of someone I could believe and not believe at the same time was not easy for me. I had been always responsible towards Ma and every moment I cared about her whereabouts. Even when she was sent to hospital for treatment I couldn't trust the nurses to take the best care of her. Often they were annoyed with me. Nor did I found enough trust in my own aunt to leave my Ma with her. She was so attached to me that no matter how much anyone took care of her I wasn't satisfied. Now then I had left no choices other than trusting Husna. The unsurities, insecurities,care,worries crunched the roots of my souls hard and made me tensed to death. That visceral feeling had no words to describe.

How could I leave in such a way? How could everything be okay without being okay?

Leaving those ruffled thoughts, I walked to the room of Ma, it was time to bid her a good farewell. Life doesn't give us second chances every time. Who knew it could be our last meeting? Tears started clouding in my eyes though I was not a cry-type person. The grief of leaving Ma was heart wrenching. Never I had known there will be a second person who would take care of my mother like I did, someone to love to her like I did & lastly someone who would do all these for the sake of Allah. There were no certainties that Husna would be the one. Still, I had to hope for that.

Ma was also in a deep sleep,the room in dimlighting could vaguely show her aged face with lines. I wished to see the blues of her eyes which were blanketed beneath her eyelid but not to ruin that peaceful vibe of hers,I just stared at my mother affectionately.

It isn't that Ma had done a lot for me comparing to all the mothers of world. What she had done for me was, kept me in her womb for nine months and raised me from a child to adult. Could anyone pay back that pain to a mother?

What was I ? I just tried.

Some breathy words left my glib,

“ Ma,I am leaving you in Allah's hand. Forgive me,I could not do more for you. Inn Sha Allah my wife will be kind to you. I will pray heartily,she will. She has to.”

I dandled her forehead,weak and warm. Placed a kiss there just like she used to give me when I was a kid. Allah had given me a chance to pay back some of the precious thing Ma had given me. It was a serendipity,not a misfortune.

“ Because all HE plan for us is good,better or best ”

The words of Ma echoed in my ears and I felt grateful to my Creator. Even in those moist eyes,I could apprehend some teardrops nuzzling from Ma's blues.

I crossed the pillar of our door when a gust of wind clashed it noisingly. I was out of the world,I wanted to live with my closed one and launched on a battlefield where my life was merely a lifeline in the hands of criminals.

But I wanted to return,I wanted it badly. I wanted to see those faces again and again,caress them soulfully. Spend some trances of time where their existent would be constant and I would treasure them in my heartcore as few memories. Few memories which would be the reason for me to pass those few years of this earth.

A/N: I am sorry I couldn't finish it before Ramadan as I thought. Inn Sha Allah after this holy month, there will be updates. And more updates for compensating my procastination.
Ramadan Karim to all.