Episode 28

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Rayan was opening up to me.. And that was the best gift i could ever get.
So when the actual valentine came i said to him:
_" don't bring me anything .. Just promise me you'll spend the day loving me"
Still he brought me this heart shaped little vase and said uncomfortable: 
_" next valentine we'll be in college.. I'll bring you something better i promise"
He studied with us in the library everyday .. Made sure that the 4 of us got better with studies and gave us confidence in passing our Bac.
And you see, Yassmine was a really pretty girl that i couldn't compare to even wearing makeup and putting on my best clothes.
Knowing for a fact that both my childhood friends already were in love with her and my current boyfriend was her ex . i wondered if spending more time with her would make him have a change of the heart.
The girl always has doubts i guess.
And so i started paying especially more attention to Rayan's behavior towards Yassmine.
Few days of noticing without any action happening made me feel even more suspicious ..
And since i was always crazy and had no limits to my shameless character i decided to take the seat beside Badro one day and force Yassmine to sit next to Rayan.
And so putting him directly under the microscope.
The whole group looked at me weirdly that day so i explained:
_" Badro has a very bad hand writing and i have the most beautiful one. I want him to see me write up close and feel ashamed!"
I spent the whole study seance just observing Rayan.
" dare look at her and you're dead!"
" dare laugh with her and i'll break all your teeth!"
The result was that Rayan spent the whole seance talking in a  cold monotone not even smiling once.
At the end of the study i was so satisfied with him that i decided to reward him.
And so i especially bought him the most expensive cookies from the vending machine and handed it with the biggest smile printed on my face.
_" take this.. You must be hungry after teaching the 4 thickheaded us" i said.
He put the book of physics he was holding in the book shelf .. Gave me a cold stare and said:
_" i'm good, why don't you offer these cookies to Badro instead.. He must be very hungry after all the writing he did"
I opened the cookies and started eating them with a grin.
I looked at him giving me a killing stare and hushed:
_" ok, i'll eat half the cookies and give him the second half"
He nodded indifferently.
But he ended up forcing me to sit beside him and he ate half the cookies i left for Badro saying:
_" this girl here is very considerate .. She always offers me food. She even cooks lunch for me everyday"
Imad threw a pen his direction and said:
_" just eat and shut up! We all know how much she loves you you don't need to remind us"
Rayan looking satisfied raised his chin and added:
_" of course i don't need to remind you of the obvious"
February was so busy, i had extra lessons in the weekends and studied at the library in week days.
I studied and studied until i started calling water H2O and started talking in correct Arabic at home.
I gave it my all .. I just wanted to go to a college.
All was well until Mama once at the lunch table in weekend suddenly said:
_" do you know your brother's girl?"
I choked in my food right away .. Nasro- my older brother- looking at me with bulged eyes handed me a glass of water with shaking hands.
After i smoothened my throat i gave my mother a cold stare and said:
_" is Nasro having a new affair without us knowing?"
Mama hit the back of my head right away and shouted:
_" you were always such a good liar you shameless. I know you know her. You even met her behind my back"
I looked at her in pain and shouted:
_" what are you talking about! Since when you started inventing stories.. Why would Nasro even let me meet a flirt!"
_" you're right i guess" my mother said pensively.
I then looked at Nasro and gave him this " you'll pay me for this" look.
He just kept pleading me with his eyes.
_" is he seeing some girl?" I asked next.
So my mother taking her seat again looked at me and explained.
_" you know Hamida the wife of the baker.. You must know her i guess. I met her yesterday and so she shamelessly said that you and her oldest daughter know each other already. And then she started giving hints asking when Nasro would go ask her daughter's hand."
She stopped talking and suddenly slammed the table and mocked:
_" my son?.. The son of pride and wealth go ask that uneducated girl's hand!"
My mother started laughing.
I hardly looked at my brothers face..
He was angry .. And sad.
He must love her so much doesn't he.
So i decided to be a good sister to him and although i knew that my mother could beat me to death i said:
_" i know that girl from the school of Quran.. She's so beautiful mashallah and so polite. I even heard that the wife of the dentist asked her hand for her son who works in Dubai and they refused. They said they will only marry their daughter into a house of more pride and wealth",
Of course what i said was all a lie. But that made my mother raise her chin and look at me curious.
Smiling in disgust i continued:
_" if you see her you'll understand why half the women of our neighborhood are begging her mother to accept their sons. What beauty god bless her. And what beautiful manners. She'll definitely make the most beautiful rose you'd brag about in every family gathering. But what to do .. Nasro doesn't even like her so why would we ask her hand,"
My mother slapped the table in anger and shouted:  
_" shut up girl! Why does he have to like her? .. Did your father see me when he married me? Did our fathers see their wives when they married them? .. He must thank god day and night if such family accepted him as their son in law"
I just nodded in understanding giving my brother side looks.
That thug looked like dying of happiness.
"You'll pay me really well for this" i thought.
And so within a week .. My mother _afraid that someone might steel the beautiful rose from her hands_ was dragging me with her putting on heavy makeup and beautiful clothes. Holding a "bouquet de fleurs" while she held a beautiful expensive cake in her hands. Of course Mimi went with us just so as my mother brags about her beauty.
And we went to ask Hidaya's hand from her parents.
Their house was more humble compared to ours. And the furniture was a bit old. I sighed .. Knowing that my mother would talk about this to Mimi for months.
They both are so material that i feel sick seeing them treat everyone according to their statues.
Hidaya's mother looked so much like her daughter and had her same smile. She guided us towards their guest room.
Once we sat down the poor woman tried to bring out all kinds of topics smiling .. While my mother kept acting like the queen of the world.
Shaking her hand from time to time to show off all the golden jewelries she put.
I just sighed and wished everything would go ok.
When the bride finally showed and my mother smiled from ear to ear. Only then i could breathe in relief. I sent my brother a message saying all was well.
Of course i didn't even need to hear their consent .. They were going to agree looking at their faces.
When we got out of the house with all parties happy and satisfied.
We found my brother waiting for us in front of the house with our car.
He was wearing good clothes.. We could smell His perfume even from where we were standing.
"A couple of idiots" i thought. They should name their first girl on me because without my help he would have threatened to cut his wrist just for Mama to accept his girl.
When we were about to go inside the car, hidaya's older brother who once asked my hand looked at me astonished as if he finally understood my relationship with his sister.
He must have felt ashamed of asking my hand, because he flexed his neck to avoid me so hard that we heard his bones collide.
I just laughed while i closed the car door behind me and thought to my self.
" this life is really something"
I didn't tell Rayan about my brother's engagement.
I was afraid of dreaming about ours..  Afraid he'll bring out the topic of marriage.
Seeing how my mother reacted to hidaya i was convinced that even if i gave her a thousand lies she still won't accept Rayan as her son in law.
He comes from a really problematic family.
Even if i cut my wrists and hang my self she will be happy because i died before marrying him.
Thinking about that made my heart hurt so much.
And so the next day when i met him in the morning i looked at him and said:
_" i love you so much Rayan. The kind of love i will never forget. Even if i ended up marrying another man i can never love him the same"
He looked at me confused and asked:
_"what's wrong with you? .. You spent so much time reading that poem this weekend didn't you?"
I looked at him sad and asked:
_" will you hate me if we got separated"
He gave me a cold stare and answered:
_" this is really bothersome. I won't hate you you idiot! I won't feel anything for you .. I will wipe you out of my life like you never existed"
I started walking angry ignoring him and frowned:
_" that's you! That's exactly  what a heartless like you would do!"
You see .. Rayan never lied to me .. So why did he lie that day?



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