season 2: Episode 4

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The next day in college i was trying to focus on the prof's lecture when the girl sitting beside me suddenly fainted and very uncomfortably fell on my shoulder.
The whole class went crazy and people tried to wake her up.
_"isn't your girlfriend a nurse? .. Don't you know what you should do in such situations?" Walid asked sitting on the other side beside me.
I just stared at that girl's hair getting stuck in my beard and tried to yell at her to wake up.
How should i know what to do?
The teacher observed the situation very concerned.
He ordered silence in the class and then he looked at me and said:
_" young man .. Can you carry your classmate to the nurse's  office? .. I'll accompany you"
I felt really awkward with that .. Still i coldly nodded and asked a female student to help me put her on my back.
I didn't even know who that girl was .. Still i had to act like her savior.
_"did she say anything before she fainted" the prof asked on our way to the nurse.
I shook my head, hardly took a breath and said:
_"no .. I'm not sure"
That girl was a hell of heavy weighted!
My forearms were turning numb with just few steps.
Some female student accompanied us too .. She acted frantic and kept slapping the fainted girl all the way.. And yes, everytime she slapped her she would stand in my way and make me almost trip on her feet.
At some point i wanted to shout at her face saying:
_"just @$%&$ off! Slap her one more time and i'll throw her above you!"
But i had to keep my sanity through that bothersome situation.
When we arrived at the nurse's office finally that fainted girl miraculously woke up once we mentioned calling an ambulance for her.
_" do you have anything sweet.. My blood sugar must have dropped" she said with a tired tone.
I just gave her one glimpse and smirked in mockery . she faked it .. Didn't she?
But our prof who only cared about the measurements of safety in buildings had no idea about the plotting and lying of girls.
He acted so concerned and even went to search for something sweet for that fake with the frantic girl.
_" i'm Lydia" the fake girl suddenly said to me.
She was lying on the nurse's office bed and acting like if she just came back from death.
I just nodded. I wasn't definitely interested in knowing her name.
_" i was very stressed lately, of all people you must know what stress can do to a person"
_" you seem ok now, we should go back to class" i pressed as polite as i could.
But my annoyance must have been very clear to her, because she gave me a cold glare.
She looked at the old nurse next .. And very falsely asked:
_" the light bothers me a lot .  can you please close the bed's curtain?"
Once the nurse obediently rolled the curtains around us i figured out that i was trapped inside with her.
She didn't even spare me one second.
She shamelessly took my hand with hers and suggestively asked:
_"what about a kiss to wipe the stress away".
_" what about a kiss?" Was what Layla desser asked back in my first year in high school.
Me and her were studying alone after class working on her math.
I was helping her solve some equation when she suddenly cupped my hand and said that.
I raised my eyes to look at her in disbelief.
She was the second girl in class, she always looked arrogant and full of her self.. I was surprised that she could act all slutty behind closed doors.
I pushed her hand away and said:
_" we better stop here for today"
And then i started throwing my books in my bag.
She suddenly stood up .. And started walking around the tables in our classroom and tipping her index on every seat.
I observed her in puzzle.
She was such a petite girl, her ponytail was swaying behind her back and her head had only god knows what in it.
She kept on walking around every seat until she finally stopped at Nadia's . and my stomach twitched right away. 
_" you should come see what's written here" she said.
I wasn't sure what she intended to do .. So i just walked there obediently.
And i red what was written there.
"Slut .. Whore .. Ugly.. Donkey" and much worst.
I felt the blood running to my head right away and i clenched my fist wanting to break that piece of wood.
_" i bet this is the girl you really want to kiss dear first student in the class" she added with a smirk on her face.
I just stood numb.
At that time i wasn't sure about my feelings for Nadia.
She irritated me so much.. But i still thought of her all time.
I hated that layla was using that against me just as much as i hated my feelings for Nadia.
Layla walked to our table again .. Held her bag and then she walked to the door.
_"you're pathetic" she mocked.
I felt so angry that i walked to the door without even thinking . i caged her against the door and i pressed my lips against hers.
That wasn't the first time i ever kissed a girl, but kissing a girl out of hatred was a first with her.
In that kiss i only thought about Nadia .. So i kissed her even harsher.
Holding her waist tight .. Tearing her lips apart.
When she started moaning wanting more i pushed my self away from her.
I held my bag .. Opened the door and walked away.
That was the stupidest thing i ever did.
I was afraid of falling in love with Nadia .. So i messed around with someone else.
I'm not proud of what i did.. I'm not proud that i kept that bullshit going on for a long time.
But i won't fall in the same mistake again.
I looked at Lydia who was playing with my hand suggestively. And i pushed that ugly thing away and disgusted said:
_" i'd rather puke"
I slid the curtains open and i walked to sit on the nurse's office chair.
I hated remembering my thing with Layla.
Yes, i can only call it a "thing".
Our relationship was just physical. She knew how i  felt for Nadia.
Layla was smart, careless .. And a freaking snake.
She knew exactly how to use my weakness.
_"hold my hand" she often ordered. "Smile to me"
I didn't care for how sick she was. I felt like a wreck and she was the perfect vase that i could empty my anger in.
I was kissing her once when the last person i wanted to see me in that shit like situation suddenly walked in the class.
Nadia..
She looked at me with disgust in her eyes, i never felt my self so low like i did that day.
_"can't you even knock!" I shouted.
But she flew the scene right away.
Layla looked at me with a pale face and said:
_"if she reports me .. I'll tell her about your little crush for her, she will be very happy to know"
I kicked my chair away .. And i followed Nadia running like crazy.
Once i caught her, grabbed her shoulder and  made her turn to look at me.
And god.. I wished i was blind before i saw that look on her face.
Disgust.. Just disgust.
Making me feel like i was lower than nothing.
She was very religious.. I must have looked very sinful in her eyes.
I wanted to say something.
But "please don't hate me" sounded pathetic.
So i asked instead: 
_" are you going to report us?"
_" no" she answered coldly.
She looked at my hand holding her shoulder like if it was a dead rat.
So i took it away
_" i'll take your word for that then" i added.
When Layla finally joined us, Nadia just dismissed her self without one single comment.
I called her name desperate. But she didn't answer.
What's worst than discovering that you really loved someone in such situation?.
What's worst than knowing that you could have that someone at that time if you acted smarter?
Just one month after that incident Nadia and Salim started going out.
If only i didn't act like a brainless, Nadia could have loved me first.
In her eyes i could never compare to Salim. He had a mesmerizing voice when reading Quran while i was the devil reincarnation in her eyes.
I was stupid.
The reason Layla and i broke up was because i walked Layla home the very same day Nadia and Salim started going out. I was boiling with anger so much that i pushed her to some corner and i kissed her brutally.
I must have crossed limits, or even uttered Nadia's name .. I don't really remember.
but what i did to layla sure hurt her, because she suddenly slapped me hard on my face and said:
_"wake up .. I'm not that loser Nadia hamidi"
_" we're over" i said.
And that was it.
I lost Nadia to a boy i didn't even know that he existed, i watched her smiling for him and looking like she was living the best days of her life with him.
When i realised that i loved Nadia Hamidi i already lost her.
And i can't think of a better definition for pain than that.
.
Back in the nurse's office. I was much older and more mature.
Lydia kept looking at me with a cold glare .. I just ignored her.
When the teacher was finally back , holding a bottle of juice in his hand.
I quickly walked towards him and said:
_"i'll go back to class first, she is much better now"
He thanked me urgently. And patted on my shoulder.
Walking back to the classroom i closed my eyes and sighed for long moments.
"What if Nadia was the nurse working at our college office and saw me kissing Lydia" i thought to my self.
"Will i lose even the tiny chance i still had?"



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