Episode 30

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Algeria left the world cup so early.
Rayan turned 19 away from me and .. i thank god passed my BAC.
That summer of 2010 held lots of things.
The happiness in Sadness.
Once i got my results and found out i succeeded what i thought was impossible i kept yelling in happiness.
I held my phone to call yassmine Right away in joy.
But The first thing she said with a muffled voice from the other side was:
_" Badro didn't get his BAC"
With just that being said .. My happiness decreased by 90%.
_" you got it?" I asked.
_" hmm.. 10.97"
_"12.73" i said.
_"Imad 10.40.. Rayan 16.54"
At that time our lives were just numbers.
Numbers that brought us smiles .. And that brought us tears.
After a long silence she added:
_"Badro got 9.70.. He wasn't so far .. This is unfair"
And then i heard her crying from the other side.. I listened to her for sometime until she finally hang up the phone.
Maybe because she heard the loud voice of music in our house and Zagharid ( yells that women make to express joy) of my mother and sister.
I didn't have the heart to celebrate either. But my mother insisted that the whole street should know that i succeeded.
You see, the BAC is a huge deal in Algeria. Even for the families that don't have candidates.
Only half the students across the country get it. And Badro was among the unlucky half.
My family held a big celebration on the occasion of my success the very next day ..sponsored by my dear father.
I was among the few cousins in our family who made it to college. So my mother made sure to brag about that fully even when she never even believed i would succeed she still lied to my aunts:
_" it's all thanks to me! .. The whole year i forbid her from doing anything but studies! .. The whole year i stayed awake with her and then woke up early with her. If i had the exam with her i would succeed too because i memorised everything she had!"
I just kept nodding in agreement remembering all those days she pushed me to the kitchen saying:
_"even if you study you won't make it!.. If you don't make then at least learn how to be a good housewife!"
Sometimes i admit that i inherited my shameless character from her. But of course i can never beat the master.
I invited Yassmine to that small celebration too.. She came with her mother holding a big gift box that made my mother's mouth drool.
Once i greeted them.. I took yassmine's  hand and dragged her towards my room.
We sat down on my bed without saying a word for so long.
And then i broke up the silence asking:
_" how is Badro doing?"
_" he acts like he's ok.. He's celebrating with the boys .. But you know him, he's self-destroyed in secret."
I didn't find words to say after that .. Neither she did.
We just leaned on the bed for a long time until my mother came knocking hard on my door and yelling.
_" come down to meet your guests! .. And let the poor Yassmine eat something you heartless girl!"
When i went down.. I was asked to dance although i didn't want to. And i was asked to eat although i had no appetite.
It's like this, you don't know the value of the person only when he's going through hardships.
Seeing that i didn't even feel happy with my success.. I must look at Badro like a real brother of mine and love him genuinely.
That day .. I waited for yassmine to deliver a message to me from a certain boy the whole time.
By the whole time.. I mean until the very end.
I especially walked her outside of our house. Covering half my head with a scarf while the edges of my hair and my arms were still showing.
I walked her few steps out of our doors.. And i watched her walking away with her mother until i couldn't see them anymore.
And still .. There was no message for me from rayan.
Rayan didn't congratulate me. That was something i could never forgive.
In the few next weeks.. I was busy with the college admission papers.
When i was choosing a college i pretty much had no choices at all..
I thought for so long and i ended up with this:
_" i shall select a choice that has nothing to do with languages.
_ i shall select a choice in which i'll have an easy job or even stay jobless but with a good diploma"
So i ended up going for "biology departure".
When i remember that time, i realize that i took life really easily.
Selecting a life choice just like that .. Carelessly.
Having no dream for the future.
I think what made me even more angry at Rayan was the fact that he had a plan for him self.
A plan that didn't include me at the top of the list.. Unlike i did with him.
It was torturing being away from Rayan .. It always was, but i was so angry and proud that i refused to admit it.
Within few days of being neglected and pushed to the side.. I turned into an ice.
I remember that day when i was doing copies for my papers i met Imad in the shop. He had more tan that i remember him and he looked happy.
Once his eyes fell on me he held the bunch of his papers and rushed towards me with a smile:
_" what a coincidence!" He yelled.
I nodded smiling back.
After greeting me he said:
_"congratulations! We made it to college!"
The funny thing was .. Of all my friends, he was the first one to congratulate me.
Even Yassmine forgot to.
_" thanks.. You too! I guess you'll put the army thing aside now" i laughed.
He just nodded.
_" what's your major?" I asked next.
_"Arabic literature" he answered to my surprise.
Let's say it this way, if i knew ten words in arabic then Imad only knew one.
If i could maintain a straight Arabic when talking for an hour.. He'll switch to the Algerian dialect within one minute!
But the reason he chose that major that he knew no hand from foot in was because Yassmine chose it too.
He's only going there to spend the next three years with her.
I felt so heartbroken with that, so when he said:
_" wait here.. I'll go call Rayan, he went to bring us water. He's be so happy to meet you"
I held my papers tight to my chest and said coldly:
_" No.. Don't.. I'm so busy and i'll be late"
And then i left the shop right away and made sure to cover my face because i didn't want to meet him on my way out.
Imad sure told him he met me .. But do you think Rayan tried to contact me to see why i avoided him like he was the plague?
Of course he didn't!
And that convinced me even more that Rayan didn't care about me all together.
He didn't call to know my major.. He didn't call even once the whole summer.
If that didn't mean "break up" .. Then what was it?
Within September, i just convinced my self that he didn't have the heart to break up with me although he wanted to.
And that i had to move on.
    ___________________________________
On my first day in college .. I was all alone,
Just like the first day in high school.
Since Yassmine and Imad were both in a different department in my college, i couldn't meet them.
But looking around me.. Pretty much all the students were alone too.
So i only kept checking my dress .. Trying to walk gracefully. Just working hard not to show that i was "lost without company" again.
When i was about to take the staires .. Some medium height boy with glasses and a really short hair cut stopped right in front of me.
He seemed nervous .. Yet he asked:
_" excuse me.. Can you tell me where the department of biology is?"
I looked around me to scan all the students who were around and wondered why he talked to me instead.
Still, i didn't want to be rude so i said:
_" i'm on my way there .. We can go together"
He nodded in agreement and followed me ..
He walked a step behind me.
Going down the stairs .. Turning and walking again.
But at some point .. He walked the step between us and suddenly said:
_" do you know the timing of the student buses to D street?"
D street is where i used to live before we moved to the our new house.
In college, where you don't know everyone around you, the people coming from the same old street of yours suddenly look so familiar and close even when they are strangers.
And that's the only reason i answered:
_" No.. Are you from there?" 
He looked somehow surprised with my question.
I thought he was uncomfortable with me crossing some limits and asking something personal.
But i was wrong.
Because he said:
_" you didn't recognize me after all, we were in the same class in middle school for two years"
I felt embarrassed right away.
I turned to look at him wanting to apologize.
But i found that his face held no anger nor disappointment.. So i didn't apologize after all.
He reminded me of some heartless i knew.
_" we moved from D street for years now"
He nodded in understanding but didn't comment.
He both remained silent until we reached the biology department.
That's when he thanked me and went away.
When you look at someone's back when he leaves.. You can never be sure if he'll walk towards you again.
But i knew he'd come again somehow.
And i was right.
When we were about to go inside the amphitheater for the first time in college after the security guard informed us that the amphitheater door was finally opened for us. I was crowded with a bunch of other students.. Still, that boy with glasses could find a way to reach me .. And when he did, he looked at my surprised expression and said:
_" my name is Anouar Derzi by the way.."
With that being said, i shifted from "knowing no one around me" zone to "having someone with me" Zone.
Anouar took the seat beside me. I dictated him our time schedule. He explained me a bit the subjects we were having in college.
And so.. I didn't feel so lonely anymore.
What brought Anouar to me wasn't a love at first sight or secret crush.. Nor anything involving any feelings.
It just was that when he found out he was lost in a new place .. He looked around him and the only one he recognized was me.
And what kept him beside me .. Was that, he too, had no one else.
But people always tend to invent wrongful stories when they see a boy walking beside a girl.
Even close people to you.

I i walked to the bus station with Anouar that day, just because he had no idea where it was since he came in a car earlier.
Arriving at the bus station my eyes settled on Yassmine right away standing at the spot where our street bus would stop.
I walked towards her with a faster pace and once i reached her i closed her eyes with my hands and asked with a rough voice:
_" who am i?"
She bursted in laughter right away and turned to give me a tight hug.
When i finished greeting her and expressing how much i missed her i finally paid attention to Imad who was standing beside her too.
But he was already hand shaking with Anouar and talking to him.
I looked at both the boys and said:
_" it's a relief that we found Imad, you can go to D street with him"
Anouar nodded.. And didn't comment.
If only Imad asked how i knew Imad then without assuming things he had no idea about.
If only he asked me first.. Then so many things would have gone differently.







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