My Alien best friend, IwaOi

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My feelings for Iwa quickly developed from platonic ones to a smush. I knew that he wanted and deserved more but I just didn't know if it was romantic yet or if it would ever be. I've never learned the difference between platonic and romantic feelings. 

I've always wanted to do romantic stuff like holding hands, cuddling, hugging and much more with my friends. Especially with Iwa. He always told me that this wasn't what best friends do, yet, I did it. Maybe that was why he fell for me. I did a lot of stuff that could make someone fall in love. Not only the physical closeness but also the emotional closeness, the trust. I've always told him about everything and he always was my number one. I've always put him first. He was the first one I'd call the something went wrong, he was the first one to hear bout my new conspiracy theories which were more likely than everyone told me. Hell, I even made a Playlist for him. It was a Playlist resembling my feelings for him and songs I related with him. We also spend almost every day together. There was even a phase where we spend a whole week together. In this week, we never let go of each other and spend every minute together. We even cuddled while sleeping. 

We did all that and a ton more. It really wasn't that surprising that one of us developed feelings. Sadly, it was Iwa. If I could, I would gladly take his roll. I hated seeing him suffer this way and I would take even more just to stop him from hurting. Yet, I didn't do anything different. I was hurting him. Maybe he was doing great at the moment but it wouldn't be long until physical and sexual attraction wasn't enough for him. When the day would come, he would leave me and search for a better person. He would find someone to replace me. Someone who would actually love him back. 

I wouldn't blame him. He deserved someone who loved him back. Yet, it was hurtful that the most important person in your life would soon enough replace you. 

I looked at a lot of charts to find out my feelings and quickly realized that they were platonic since the beginning, Squish, soon developed to aesthetic ones, Swish, to sensual ones, Lush. Right now they were somehow Alterous, Mesh, and Sexual, Swish, at the same time. 

This table really helped me a lot. I just wished that I knew where exactly the borders between all those things were. I was really, really confused.