My Alien best friend, IwaOi

ⅩⅩⅩⅥ

"I messed up," I said as Mattsun finally picked up the phone. He didn't say anything so he probably already knew. "Makki told you, didn't he?" I asked. Mattsun stayed quiet. "Okay, so I know that I was the one who was shitty but I need help right now as well. Please, Mattsun. I had no other chance," I stated and I could feel that Mattsun decided to at least listen to me. He would give me a chance to explain. I wish I could explain it to Iwaizumi as well but it was better if I didn't. 

"You have a lot to explain Oikawa!" Mattsun said as he approached me. "Where do I start?" I rhetorically asked but Mattsun just death-glared me and so I started at the very beginning. "I still crave Iwaizumi in every non-romantically way. I still want to hold him and never let him go but I needed to. He deserves to be happy. Without me. I don't deserve him. I broke his heart. Again. Even if I apologized and explained everything he wouldn't take me back. I wouldn't let him. He deserves the world and more. He shouldn't have to live with this uncertainty. I don't even know if I'm capable of romantic feelings for god's sake", I finally let out what has been bugging me for the last few days. 

Mattsun seemed shocked to say the least. He fastly recovered and quit death-glaring me. He seemed to understand and why I did it. He came up to me and I thought that he was going to comfort me but instead he slapped me. What was wrong with him? 

"What is wrong with you?" he rephrased my words, giving them a slightly different meaning. "He fucking loves you. You are the love of his life and he was fine with accepting you just being by his side. He didn't need romantic love from you as long as you loved him. But with the way you expressed yourself you broke him. Again. So you're right, you don't deserve him. Please fix this right now or never talk to him again!" Mattsun shouted angrily before turning around and walking off. I knew that I made mistakes. I knew that I messed up. I knew all of the things Mattsun just said. 

It just hurt more. I knew that I wasn't in the position to feel bad and heartbroken but I was. I wanted to get comforted and get pitied even though I don't deserve it. I was selfish like always. I probably didn't even break up with him to protect him from getting hurt but me. I was nothing compared to him. How would he want to spend his life with someone who isn't capable of loving him? 

Maybe I was. Maybe deep down I loved him that way. It was very likely. Yet, I wasn't sure and I wouldn't ever let those feelings get ahold of me. I couldn't. If I allowed myself to realize them, everyone would know and I would get hurt again. It was the best to bury them deep down and never let them show. 

Iwaizumi would move on and be happy with someone better and I would be fine on my own. Yes, I would still love him but this one time I had to stop being selfish. I had to let him go. He deserved so more. Everything I couldn't ever give him.