My Alien best friend, IwaOi

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I shouldn't have said that. I knew that I hurt him more than I should have. I should have told him in a different way, a kinder way. He didn't deserve this but I had to make sure that he understood everything and would move on. For that, he needed to hate me. There was no other way. At least not as far as I knew.

I couldn't make him suffer more. He would hurt for some time but all in all, it would be better than the future we had. He would be able to be happy. Without me. 

It hurt more than I expected. I thought that I wouldn't cry, yet here I was crying myself to sleep. It hurt too much. I couldn't possibly imagine what Iwa-izumi went through. I lost every privilege to call him that nickname when I ruined our friendship and hurt him. 

I wasn't just his best friend but also, how he said himself, the love of his life. I couldn't believe that though. Sure, he loved me, a lot, but not that much, right? 

I really did love him. He was the most important person in my life and would always be. I didn't only hurt him but also myself by ending everything. It was just unnecessary and I really regretted it. It was necessary though. I couldn't allow myself to be selfish and hurt him more. I wouldn't be able to live with that. 

I really messed up but I couldn't change that now. I wasn't sure if I would if I could. Yes, I regretted it but I would also do it again if necessary. If I could turn back time, I would have told him that I wasn't going to return his feelings. Maybe he wouldn't have fallen that hard for me then. Maybe we would have made a break at that point. Maybe he would have enough time so he would get over me and we could go back to being friends. 

He would have deserved that. He deserved so much. I didn't deserve him. Even if I had feelings for him, I would have rejected him. And even if I would realize that I actually had feelings for him, I wouldn't tell him. I wouldn't go back in his life. He deserved to be happy and he wouldn't be able to if I was still in his life. 

I broke his heart two times now. I wouldn't make it three times. If I did, I wouldn't be able to live with myself anymore.