Behind every mean girl...there's a tragedy

Him

 To live or not to live. That's the motto I live by on a daily basis. The average human being spends every second of his day fighting against the force of nature to see another day. But I'm different. I'm not afraid of outside forces to take my life away – only myself.

You know that shy nerdy girl who sits at the back of the class, fading in the background with no friends, and running home every day with a tear-stained face because some bully humiliated her in the middle of the cafeteria while everyone watched. Well, that's not me. I'm the one who usually do the bullying.

My life is miserable and I know it. But I'm not about to shrink in a corner and cry myself to sleep. Instead, I make sure everyone around me is as miserable as I am – especially my parents. After all it's only fair. If happy people can spread their happiness and joy so people like me have every right to spread our misery, also.

"Have you heard the great news?" announces the overly excited brunette running toward me in her pink ankle strapped heels. Her entire outfit screamed desperation, from her overdone make-up to her tight mini skirt.

She's so lucky her parents' house has a large pool or the only friend she would be able to get is the trash can.

I reach for my phone in my handbag, I haven't tweeted anything nor updated my Instagram since breakfast this morning. Let me take a selfie. Tuning out every noise around, I click the camera away.

"Are you even listening to me?" she whines.

"Of course I am. What else would I be doing?"

Her eyes sparkle with joy, making my nails harrowing to grip them out of their sockets. Her annoyingly giddy spirit is spoiling my mood.

She looks at me expectantly, "So? What do you think I should do?"

"I don't know, Cassie. Who do you think I look like? I have better things to do than to play Dr. Phil." I grip my new black leather Gucci handbag tighter to my chest and turn around to find another source of entertainment.

"Where are you going?" I hear her call after me. I plug my earphones on and drown every noise out with Beyoncé's Flawless.

Oh, the irony. I'm listening to a song about being flawless while I possess the biggest and worse flaws known to mankind, selfishness, evil, and my all-time favorite, hatred.

Despite what everyone thinks, hatred is what makes the world goes round not love. Just look at Hitler, he changed the world with his hatred so did Abraham Lincoln. He didn't free the slaves out of love, he simply hated the Confederates so he did something to piss them off and win the war.

As I mindlessly scan the shoes to find one that would go with the dress I bought yesterday, I feel someone's eyes digging a hole in my back. It's not the first time people stare at me. I can't help it if I'm undeniably gorgeous and my parents happen to be making an envious load of money. If only they know what demons that beautiful and confident exterior comes with, they would banish me to the deepest part of hell and throw away the key. I turn abruptly, ready to curse out the voyeur.

But instead of finding a gawking stranger, my eyes fall on a very familiar face. It has change but I would recognize those features anywhere. They've been haunting my dreams for so long now that I forgot how to dream anything else. That dreamy face engulf by a layer of chocolate cream and those soft brown eyes – which used to smile at me and be filled with concern – now are looking at me with an air of disdain.

"Those are just to die for," sing-songs a girl approaching me with her eyes on the pair of heeled ankle boots on the shelf in front of me.

I quickly grab it before she reaches me. "I know right."

Her bright smile vanishes as I pass her in the direction of the counter.

"Come on, Rachel, I know you don't need them but I do. So please, can I have them?"

"Hell no. Who do I look like, Oprah? I don't do charity" I turn around only to come face-to-face with Him.

My world stops when he winks at me with a devilish smile kissing his lips but his eyes stays inhumanly cold. Goosebumps forms on my skin as I drown in them. I want to move but my legs are glued to the spot.

I desperately try to make a word pass my dry throat but it's useless. He's already in front of me by the time my mouth opens to let something out. Unlike what I imagine, he doesn't stop in front of me. He moves past me and kisses the girl who I was talking to moments ago.

"You have everything you were looking for, babe?" he asks, totally ignoring my presence.

"No, but it's fine. I'll just have to make do with the shoes I have since I couldn't get the new ones I wanted." Her gaze flickers to me, hinting at the shoes in my hands.

I walk away as if I didn't hear her. I pay for them with my mom's credit card and leave the store. I hear his laughter in the back of the store but I don't turn around to see him.

I miss his laughter – although it's deeper now than the childlike laugh I used to know – his smile, his everything. It's been so long since I've heard him or seen him. Far too long.

I look at the shoes I just bought. I already have the exactly same ones in my closet collecting dust. It's not my taste at all but the joy she exhibited for them made me want them. I know they aren't going to fill the void I want them to fill but I bought them anyway. If they can't make me happy, they can't make anyone happy. At least she and I are both miserable, now.

No matter how psycho I know it sounds like, it still brings me a great deal of ecstasy to know others are suffering along with me. Even if I have to inflict that pain personally, I will not bear it alone.

Before I could take another step, somebody bumps into me, making me trip and let go of the bags.

"Are you blind or something?" I yell at the girl with eyes as wide as the ocean, watching me fearfully.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry." She begins to help me getting up but I slap her hand away. I hate when people touch me.

"I'm fine, I don't need your help." I lift myself up and retrieve my bags off of the floor, all the while she's begging for forgiveness.

I was so close to slap her when He pulls her to him. "She'll be fine. She didn't break anything, she's a tough girl." His intense stare snatch away any comebacks I was about to spit out.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about it," I reply breathlessly.

The girl stares at me as if I grew a third eye before she smiles and walks away with him.

I stay frozen on the spot, watching them disappear. Their shadows have been lost in the crowd of shoppers laughing and talking when my mind finally decide to come back to me.

I walk directly to the exit not wanting to accidentally collide with him again. Somehow the mall suddenly feels constricted. Its walls are not far away enough to keep him away from me.