Behind every mean girl...there's a tragedy

Mother-daughter talk

"Rachel!" My mom almost squeeze out every ounce of oxygen in me as soon as I open the door. "Your father called, he said some boy attacked you."

Great, that's when she finally decides to get it right.

"I'm fine, it's no big deal." I wiggle out of her embrace. "Dad's already taking care of it."

"Are you sure? Maybe I should call Steven. He has a couple of friends who are attorneys..."

The house phone has already been in her hands since I came in. I stop her fingers from pressing down the buttons.

"I said dad's already taking care of it," I say through tight teeth. "I don't need your husband to get justice for me."

She stops to look at me, her eyes pleading with me to let her call her precious husband, "I was only trying to help. He does have more influence than your father."

Anger bubbles under my skin, I concentrate so much on suppressing it that a headache explodes in my brain. It feels like my skull is about to burst at any moment.

"Stop it. Just stop trying to make me replace my dad with Steven just like you did."

An awkward silence fills the room as hurt takes over her flawless face, her striking brown eyes start to verse tears, "I-I wasn't trying..."

"Doesn't matter, I'm tired. Dad WILL take care of it."

I turn around, about to ascend to my room when she finally open her mouth once more, "I was only trying to help." Her voice comes out so soft that I think I wasn't supposed to hear it. It doesn't matter because I continue to climb up the stairs as if I don't hear anything.

I do love my mother but sometimes she's too much to handle. Ever since Steven swoop in and married her, she's been acting like a weak, dumb woman who can't do anything. She relies on him for everything. I thought black people were supposed to be stronger than this? I thought women were supposed to be strong?

She's been acting like she can no longer do anything without her precious husband. It's always Steven this, Steven that. She never used to do that with dad, the one who actually cared enough to do be willing to do anything for her. He obviously wasn't rich like Steven but he tried his all to make us happy. At least, I was happy.

I slam my door shut and jump on my bed, face down. I scream on the pillow to not alarm anyone. There's so much frustration building inside of me. No matter how much I let out, it always seems like I have twice as much gnawing me internally.

A knock at my door temporarily relieves me from my growing anxiety. "Who is it?" I shout. As much as I hate to be alone, I hate people interrupting my private times even more.

My mom walks in without answering, "I think we should have a talk."

I groan in frustration. Does that woman ever give up? I pull the covers up my face showing her that I have no interest in having a talk with her. Like everybody else in this messed up world, she doesn't know how to take a hint.

"Come on sweetie. We haven't really had a mother-daughter talk for a long time now." The bed shifts down under her weight.

"Not interested."

"Rachel," she warns. Like that would make me move. I already know she can't do anything to me. "Rachel, I'm talking to you." Her voices rises an additional octave with each word.

She hugs my body and begins to touch me in a soothing manner, "Don't you want to talk to your mother?"

I know she's trying to warm me up to relieve her own guilt. "No mother, I don't want to talk to you."

"Why not? We used to be so close, remember? We would have tea parties in the backyard when your father was at work, we would give each other make-overs. You always ended up looking like a princess and I like a faceless gorilla." She laughs softly, "Once, we even got your father screaming like a little girl when he got home to find mascara and lipstick all over my face."

I remember all those times. They were the great ones where I had no worries, back when everything in my life was normal. Back before he came and ruined everything. I do remember all of it but I try to not dwell on those times because they're a painful reminder of everything he took from me.

"Yes, I do remember, mom. But that's all they are – memories. We don't have that bond anymore."

"We could get it again."

"No we can't," I scream at her on the edge of crying. "We can't so just give up."

"We can't give up on love," her eyes swell with tears.

I stare at her bloody red eyes, "There is no love. You gave that up to marry Steven. We had everything but you had to throw all of that away because one stupid idiot was sweet-talking you."

"It wasn't like that, Rachel. That's not fair. You don't even know the full story."

"And I don't care. You are ten years too late. The damage is done, you can't just glue it back together again, mom. That's not how it works."

"I love you, Rachel."

"Too bad because I don't. You took me away from my dad. I will never forgive you for that. You think I like being here and only seeing my dad every other weekends? I don't, I really don't but since your precious husband has so much more money than him, you guys won my custody."

"So you're saying you'd rather be with your dad than me?"

"Yes," I answer way too quickly.

I immediately regret it but as my eyes meet hers, I can see it's too late to take any of it back. I hear her sniffle a sob before she walks out of the room without another word. I make a weak attempt to call her back and say I'm sorry. Nothing I say now will make it better.

Urghh! I hate hurting her but somehow she always manage to come at the worst moments and say the worst things. It gets on my nerves how I'm never able to control my anger. I don't like to see my mom cry but I can't exactly go apologize, now. She'll think I'm bluffing. Besides, I do blame her for things not working out with dad. I know he wanted to work on their marriage. Mom is the one who gave up.

Till this day, I can still see my dad's face brighten with any mention of my mom's name. He's been trying to move on for so long but can't. I can't say I've made the process any easier for him. I think, deep in my heart, I'm still hoping for them to get back together. I'm still rooting for my family back but I know it will never happen as long as I Steven is in the picture. My mom is simply infatuated with him. The woman is worse than teenagers experiencing their first love. Even I wasn't that pathetic. To be honest, I don't think I've ever really been in love. Every boy I've ever dated was for a specific reason...and love was never it.