What have I done...?

Chapter 1

(DPOV)

"You know what Guardian Belikov..." She sneered my title and surname name at me like they were both some type of an insult. And coming from her lips, like that, they most certainly were. Especially when she sneered them at me in that way. As if she couldn't stand to even look at me much less be anywhere around me. And I am not going to lie, that hurt like ad. (hell)

"... you can stand here all day and long into the night. Calling me an immature child, a whore, a slut, a bitch, a blood whore and anything else that you wish. Just as many times as it takes to make you happy and to make you feel good about and with yourself, the way that you have been behaving and the way that you have been acting towards and treating me, just like everyone else does. Because it doesn't matter anymore, you are just like everyone else that I've ever known. You all pretend to care about me, in the very beginning, and when it's convenient for you. Or when you think that you can possibly get something out of me or when you want something from me. BUT if and when I am ever stupid enough to allow myself to believe in you, to trust in you, to love, depend or rely on any of you. Then you all do the exact same thing, you all do every. Fucking. Thing in your power to get just as far the hell away from me as you possibly can just as fast as you possibly can. It's just like poof and your all gone." She snapped her fingers, loudly, right in my face when she said 'poof'. Almost right up against the bridge of my nose, in fact my eyes even unintentionally crossed to watch her hands movements.

I could hear the pain in her voice, just as I could see it in her eyes, she was as close to tears as I have ever seen her before. At least before she actually cried. It was obvious that she was devastated, but my question was why? What had happened to make her feel this way? Did she really believe the words that she had just said to me? I didn't know what to think, I was in shock and rocked all the way to my very core at the amount of venom and pain that was there in her voice and eyes.

"R..."

"I'm not fucking finished yet!!" She growled from deep down within her chest which shocked me. She had never been like this with me before. Her voice was really low and filled with so much pain, heartache and agony that it hurt me deep down in my soul just to hear it. And she did it all with a snarl on her face as her eyes, that were filled with pain and fury, nailed me to the wall behind me and held me suspended there. All of which told me that it was seriously time for me to just shut the ad up and listen to her for a change. Instead of trying to push her to do what I thought that she should, or push her away, for once. (hell)

"You pretended to care, you made me fall in love with you. And then you throw me the fuck away, just like last year's garbage that has been in a landfill this entire time, just like Janine Hathaway did. And you did it all because I don't matter. I have never and will never come first to anyone, you have shown me that. You have woken me up, you have pulled my blinders off, you have ripped me out of fantasy land. The one where I thought that someday someone might give a shit about whether I lived or died, but now I know better. You have made me finally see the truth, the reality of my life, which is that no one ever has or ever will give a flying fuck about me. So I really should be thanking you for all of that. So thank you so much Guardian Belikov, for proving to me that not only was Janine Hathaway right when she said that I am a waste of space, time, work and oxygen. But for also proving to me that I am right in how I think and feel about myself when I am at the worst and lowest points in my life. So thank you so very much Guardian Belikov sir." She sneered at me again.

She said all of this as she poked me in the chest, right over my heart. Which was breaking right underneath her finger at her words and attitude.

"God, I thought that you, out of everyone else in the whole entire fucking world, were different. Stupid fucking me, because apparently you are just like everyone else that I have ever known. Aside from my mother, Alberta. At least I know that I will always have her that loves and cares about me and what happens to me. But as for the rest of you, you have all, but lately mostly it has been you, shown me that no matter who people think that I am, that I still don't matter. That no matter what I do for everyone else, that I will never matter to any-fucking-one else in the entire world but my mom. No matter what I risk, no matter what I give up, no matter what I do, no matter what I don't do, I won't ever matter to any-fucking-one else. Not to my biological parents, not to the precious Princess Dragomir, not to anyone else and especially not to you. So why don't you just show everyone else what you have already shown to me repeatedly? And just stop pretending that you give a shit, even as a supposed mentor. Just go fuck Tasha or any of the other sluts and whores that will just use you as a fucking sex toy, just like the men all want to use me. Just like Jesse wants to use me, just like all men want to use me. None of you give a flying fuck about me, you all just want to fuck my body. I could be laying there on that floor right there dead or dying, possibly even bleeding out at your fucking feet. And you would all still want to fuck this body before it grew too cold, so I may as well allow it. Right? I mean it isn't like I matter to anyone, all that any of you care about is what I can do to or for you or for what you can do to my fucking body. You are all just wondering just how difficult it would be for any of you to fuck me, that's all that any of you think or care about. Right? Not my heart, not my mind, not my soul, not my hopes, not my dreams just my fucking pussy." She growled again.