From Instagram ✔︎

「17」

trigger warnings: more specifically, suicide, drug abuse and overdose.

——————————————

As he watched a naked, taehyung sleep in his arms he felt it, his heart lighten just a little before he slowly got out of bed, dressed himself and left. 

Left Lisa, left his friends, left Seoul...left Taehyung.

The first month was hard, he had went back to Busan and tried befriending his old highschool friends. It's worked but it wasn't the same.

These people had lived in Busan from birth and Jungkook just couldn't do that. He was a 'rolling stone' as he would say.

The second month was lonely, Jungkook wanted someone- anyone to be with him. He had lived with his grandma, the same person who raised him but she slept 18 out of 24 hours of the day.

Lisa tried to contact him but with no avail. Jungkook spent night and night just thinking more then sleeping. He felt in his chest that he missed someone but he didn't want to.

He didn't want to miss someone because he wanted to be unaffected by anyone leaving him. Whenever he thought about it the same beautiful boy popped into his mind. He basically lived rent free at this point.

Jungkook felt like he could fall to pieces, like he was being pulled into pieces but went on.

The third month felt like nothing, but not in a good way. That month Jungkooks grandma die and he lost the house.

He ended up living on the streets for a little or circulating between old friends houses before even they couldn't take him anymore. Nobody wanted him and it left him feeling unwanted even by himself.

The fourth month Jungkook gave up, and talked to a certain friend he promised he wouldn't ever again. He had originally stopped talking to them because they where using and selling drugs.

Jungkook thought about all the good things people have said about it. Like how it makes you feel or that 'some aren't as bad as they say.' And it was like that along with drinking excessively for nights on end.

He would sleep around and had attempted to commit suicide with the drugs he was given. He never succeeded but that didn't stop him from trying, it was the only thing Jungkook was hopeful about.

The fifth month wasn't much different until December 30th. He specifically remembered it being Taehyung's birthday that and wanted to tell him. He opened his phone to find a picture of the lovely boy.

Jungkooks eyes looked at the ocean under the bridge he leaned on. It was exactly 11:30 pm and Jungkook had a plan.

A plan to finally let himself free. Free from stress, free from loneliness free from love and free from life. He watched at the pitch black water moved switchly under him.

He turned on his phone and pressed post button on the post he had already made. It was a happy birthday post for Taehyung.

happy birthday kim taehyung. i love you.

With that Jungkook dropped his phone into the inky water before walking back down the bridge. He rented a hotel room for the night with the last his money.

He looked at the wall clock,

11:55pm

Jungkook pulled out full bottle of Tylenol, sitting on the windowsill. He clicked the bottle open and poured it into his shaky hand.

He felt the tear cascade down his cheeks as he held it up to his mouth. He watched the moon and sky that night as he felt his body shut down.

Finally at 12:01 eyes closed for what he hoped was the last time. He did everything he wanted to do, and that consisted of watching the night sky one last time and telling his love that he loved him.

————————————————

i rewrote this twice and still don't really like it but also do? i like certain parts i guess.

anyways hope you enjoyed. :)