Regrets ; a.i

Regret 5: A chance

I sit in a new chair today, we had to move offices because her other one was being used. I look out the view of this window and you can see the streets and people; the outside world. I can see people living their lives and looking at them I could guess what they're thinking or where they're going, but that's the thing, I'll never actually know. Maybe that can reflect on myself. I have no idea where I'm going with my life, I have no idea what I really want to do and my body still aches of memories that happened months ago.

"How are you today?" She asks as she takes a seat and fixes the grey cardigan she has on today.

I look at her, her black hair cut short at her collarbones, her brown eyes looking tired, and her upright position as she stares at me for an answer.

I shrug, "I've been better."

She licks her lips and crosses a leg over the other. "What's been bothering you lately?"

My eyes fall to my hands sitting neatly in my lap and the washed out blue jeans I slipped on this morning. "I feel like things are finally catching up to me. I've been thinking too much and I feel like I'm being sucked into the past, and all I want to do is keep moving forward. I saw Reagan the other day for a brief second and it hurt so much more than I thought it would've. I want my old life back, and coming to the settlements that I will-and can never- have that back hurts everything." It's a nice relief to get that off my chest.

She nods her head slowly and I don't think she knows what to say next. "Accepting everything that's happened is one of the easiest and hardest ways to move on." I don't know how that could be classified as easiest in any way.

I shut my eyes and run my fingers through my hair. "I remember something from this summer. Something I kind of regret," I half smile, "to give someone a chance. I don't know really why or how I agreed, but I did." Reagan always had her ways of getting me to agree to things I didn't know I was agreeing to.

She hums, "let's talk about that."

I nod my head slowly. "Well it kind of started like most of my summers at that time..."

~ Flash Back ~
// July 2nd, 2015 //

I found myself sitting on the edge of Reagan's bed getting a lecture from her about god knows what. She felt the need to lecture me about every little thing in life, like I wasn't able to figure things out on my own. When in reality I knew everything she was saying and I in fact should've been lecturing her.

"Reagan!" her mother called her from the kitchen downstairs. I wanted to yell a thank you to her mother from getting me out of the awful conversation.

Reagan walked to her door and opened the door. "What is it mother?" She yelled back, probably feeling too lazy to actually run downstairs to be face to face to her mother.

"The door is for you," her mom said in response.

I slide off the bed and joined next to Reagan's side. She frowned and I could tell she was thinking about who could possible be at her door.

She looked over at me and shrugged before grabbing my wrist and pulling me with her to the door. Sometimes I think Reagan feels the need to pull me around because she's scared I wouldn't follow her. But, I probably would therefor I don't see the need for her always holding onto me wherever she goes.

We both reached the door and we both stopped in our footsteps as we saw Ethan standing at the door.

"Ethan?" Reagan spoke first and her mother got a wide smile on her face.

"Oh my, I didn't even recognize you, how are you?" Reagan's mother gushed all over Ethan and welcomed him into the house.

He smiled shyly and looked at Reagan's mom. "I'm good, just thought that I'd come pay a visit since I'm back in town for a while."