martyrs & maniacs. | tbz jujae

20.

Juyeon has always been told that he can be quite a doormat. Usually, he swats those words away, laughing at the people who deem him as such while saying that you just don't know me enough. Those people — some of them are even his closest friends — will just shrug, and what's funny is that almost all of them have the same answer.

"Maybe I know you more than yourself. Juyeon, stop letting yourself be stepped on every single time."

He thought it wasn't true. He thought he can fight and stand up for himself if ever he wants to. He just doesn't want to get involved in petty arguments that's why he doesn't fight back.

Maybe his friends were right.

"I'm sorry." Chanhee sobs from the other end of the line. "I didn't know what came over me earlier. Baby, I'm so disgusted with myself! I was a whole different person. God, you must really hate me right now."

Juyeon was quick to reply. "No, I don't. People think irrationally when they're angry. I forgive you, Hee." He pauses, uncertain whether he should add his next sentence. "Everything you said hurt, to be honest. But we can talk about that tomorrow.'

The younger continues to release whimpers as if there was no Juyeon over the phone calming him down and telling him that it's fine.

"You shouldn't have done that!" Chanhee twines in between hiccups. "You knew that I didn't want you going, and yet you still insisted to go! I never intended to explode earlier. You just pushed all of the wrong buttons that made me do it."

"Baby—"

"Promise me that you'll never do that again."

"Promise what?"

"That you'll never disobey me again." His lover replies with no hesitation, as if he's been waiting to tell him this. It made Juyeon raise a brow and stare at his bed lamp with disbelief. "I was just jealous of the others, was worried about our relationship, was just trying to protect you. I was overwhelmed and then you added to my list of worries and... and— I-I don't know!" He can't see it, but Juyeon knows that another set of tears just fell down the other boy's cheeks. It makes Juyeon's knees weak. "I just snapped."

He can hear a little voice (that oddly sounds like Eunseo's) in his brain shout at him to not agree, and Juyeon almost considers doing it until he remembers that his boyfriend is crying and regretting on the other end of the line. Guilt fills him faster than he wants to admit. So even if he doesn't want to give him a promise, he still complied.

And everything would've been fine, Juyeon assumed. He thought he would wake up early and visit Chanhee the next day, have a little talk with him, forgive him and be forgiven and then treat him to some breakfast before Juyeon walks him to the location of his group study.

Everything would've been fine, but it wasn't.

With the affirmation regarding his promise and the assurance of a proper face to face talk (while cuddling), Chanhee finally calms down. Juyeon guides him to his bedroom with his voice, and Chanhee yawns, thanking him for tonight and apologising one last time.

Juyeon thought it was the sign for him to end the call, but then there's a hushed voice and the shuffling of Chanhee's thick comforters.

"Back so soon? Wipe your tears, babe."

Juyeon freezes, his thumb just a few millimeters away from the 'end call' button.

The given handkerchief muffles the response that escaped from Chanhee's lips, "Thanks, Min."