martyrs & maniacs. | tbz jujae

28.

Juyeon thinks it's funny how there's always something eventful whenever Younghoon throws a party.

The first time it happened, he was at the corner sulking due to being rejected by his boyfriend in favor of keeping someone else company. It was also the time he finally saw the person who saved him from his disaster date, and Juyeon's mood eventually brightened as he and Hyunjae bonded over phones in bathtubs and college stress. That party marked the beginning of something Juyeon never expected yet he treasures until now.

The second one was, well, Juyeon regretted reminiscing about the events of Younghoon's second party with Hyunjae present. If Juyeon is being honest, he doesn't regret kissing Hyunjae that night. What he regretted was kissing him while he was intoxicated and frustrated — emotionally and sexually. He regretted pulling the older into a mess of ragged breathing and momentary false hope only to get back with Chanhee the very next day. Juyeon can still vividly remember how mad he was at himself for ruining their friendship and breaking Hyunjae's heart. He thinks he can never forgive himself for that.

Now, months after Younghoon's last party, Juyeon swears he will make this one eventful too. Even more memorable than the first two parties.

It's the same old surrounding for him; a crowded apartment, ear-splitting music, drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. Eunseo is nowhere in sight, and so is Younghoon. The only person he is familiar with in the crowd is Sunwoo, but he didn't bother beckoning the boy over when he sees him occupied with someone else. Besides, he doesn't really have time to talk to Sunwoo. He got his attention set on spending the night with a certain boy instead.

Juyeon knows what it feels like to be in love. He knows that the minute he started noticing every little thing about Hyunjae, started wanting him to be by his side always, wanting to always bask in the attention he's been given, it means that there is a meaning behind it.

What he felt when he first saw Chanhee back at the student council is starting to come back to him and no, it's not the butterflies and sparks that romance novels and films always emphasize. He's pertaining to the feeling of having something, or rather, someone to look forward to every time he doesn't want to get out of bed. He's pertaining to the feeling of his eyes sparkling and his mood being magically lifted up whenever he spots a certain someone in the crowd. Juyeon had felt it before when he was infatuated with Chanhee, and now he's experiencing it again.

With Hyunjae.

Juyeon couldn't suppress the smile on his lips when realization struck him that day.

I like him. He gazes wide-eyed at the ticket that Hyunjae had given to him, bashful yet smiling. I like Hyunjae.

He thought it's still a long journey of moving on for him, one that'll take years for the hole in his heart to be filled again, but he didn't expect himself to fall for his friend in just a few months' time. Hyunjae's just too easy to love that Juyeon didn't even have to try. All he needed to do was to open his eyes and accept that he can experience love not only from Chanhee.

Juyeon likes Hyunjae and everything about him, and he thinks tonight seems the most fitting for him to tell his friend— no, his crush that it's mutual. Their feelings are mutual. Sure, a college party isn't really the most ideal place to confess, but Juyeon can't wait any longer. He can't make Hyunjae wait any longer. Besides, they officially became friends in Younghoon's place. Why not officially become lovers in the same location too?

He gulps down his drink — it's his first cup, he's not getting himself drunk tonight — in one go and grins when he finally spots the person occupying his mind even before he realized it.

They lock eyes, Hyunjae gives him an enthusiastic wave, and Juyeon's heart starts to set in motion.

God, Juyeon thinks it's only a matter of time before he completely loves him.