Sincerely- A Quackity X Reader

Chapter 26: "What should I have felt?"

Lili POV 1st person:

"I need you to be straight with me, do you SERIOUSLY believe that Thomas the Tank Engine deserves a hardcore fandom?" Damian stared at me with his eyebrows raised so high I couldn't see them past his curly hair that sprawled across his forehead. I noticed little specks of white on them from the falling snow. I wondered if my hair looked as pretty in white as that.

I chuckled lowly and leaned closer, "Well first of all buddy boy, I CAN'T be straight with you because I'm not but nevertheless..." I grabbed his face and pulled it so he was facing my sneer, "Yes. Yes I do believe Thomas and Percy need fanfictions. I suppose you could say... me and a select few FUEL on them." I grinned at my own stupid pun.

The boy in front of me went red by my movement, something I noticed he was prone to doing often. After realizing my close proximity probably made him uncomfortable, I leaned back, still not used to giving others different treatment than what I did with Y/n and Matt. He then looked like he was going to ask something but stopped himself.

I quickly muttered a sorry and went back to our conversation, "But yes, fanart and fanfiction are a big part of the fandom and they very much deserve both."

Damian seemed to recover as well and added on, "Ok, a bit off topic, but I just want to say you're a pretty cool person to talk to. Even if we can't seem to agree on ONE thing. But don't take this as an opportunity to argue that I agree with your Thomas statement. That's fucking messed up."

I licked my upper lip subconsciously and nodded, "Yeah, I can't seem to get enough of you huh? And it's only been a day."

He glanced to the side, us both painfully aware of the awkward silence that blanketed the area. He finally spoke up and said, "By the way, when you said you weren't straight, d-"

"No yeah, I'm pansexual."

His eyebrows shot up in surprise and contemplation, "So you're attracted to all genders then?"

"No, that's a common misconception. I'm attracted to anyone, yes, but REGARDLESS of gender. Gender isn't necessarily a factor when it comes to what I'm attracted to." I smiled in understanding. Usually I got a little pissed when people asked that since I was tired of explaining all the time but I didn't mind now for some reason.

"Ah."

The walls of silence had been broken down but now they were slowly building back up again. I glanced at my fingers crossed on my lap and started fidgeting with them, not really one for a conversation starter.

"Oh! That reminded me, when y- WOAH."

My eyes shot up, a little confused by why he cut himself off. When I saw that his pupils were fixated behind me in the distance, wide open, I immediately whipped my head around to be greeted by Y/n and Matt smiling through a liplock, eyes closed while snow continued to fall around them. My jaw went slack.

It took me a while for my mind to adjust to the fact that I just saw that. I always thought that when characters in a movie rubbed their eyes after seeing something that was shocking, it was stupid and would probably never actually happen; no one would have that sort of dramatic reaction. But when I saw my two best friends lips connected like that, I did that exact thing.

And was a bit horrified when the scene didn't go away after I did so.

I wouldn't be lying when I say it was cute, but it felt wrong and I wasn't even the one doing the kissing. I kept reassuring myself that it was perfectly normal and was bound to happen sooner or later, hadn't I mentioned earlier the two fought like an old married pair? They were both amazing, both attractive, both smart, the perfect candidates for a power couple. It had been merely a second since it happened but a billion thoughts were ricocheted off every crack and crevice of my brain in just that amount of time.

What should I have felt?

I should have felt happy? No, that's what I BETTER feel like, because as a good friend that's my duty.

I should have felt sad then, knowing yeah, I've liked Y/n for a while now. After all, how could I not? I couldn't even fathom how long it would take for me to rattle off on my list of what I loved about her. And then pretty boy ginger (who I could also list quite a few, but not nearly as many, good things about) had to take her away. But I didn't feel that way.

Even though I should've. There was that word again. Should've, should've, should've.

I didn't feel disappointed either, Matt is an amazing guy who I'm sure would be a wonderful boyfriend if he's any good as a partner as he is a friend.

Yet I didn't feel content, no sense of joy. And it's not that I'm not happy because I myself am mad, it just didn't sit right with me.

So what did I feel?

I felt uneasiness and guilt.

But why guilt? It's not like this was MY doing.

No. It's because I knew someone would be heartbroken.

And even though it should have been, it wasn't fucking me.