infatuated

chapter 3:

(brielle pov)

it's the next day. i didn't sleep, my heart has a weird pain. a pain for a man i should hate. but i can't hate him because if i'm fixed and he is why do i want to hate him? he had no control over his action.
"hey" i mumble
"good morning, let's just start off with a bang shall we? why do you want to forgive him?" my therapist wasn't in the mood for games today i guess.
"i'm healed, i know what's it like to be under the control of the devil. who i was then, i had no say in my actions. he is in the same boat. bruce banner wouldn't have let him out of the cell if he wasn't as fixed as you can get after hydra. we have to be a team so why should i hold a grudge? i want to give him a chance." i take a deep breath. "there is something about him that pulls at my heart strings doc."
the rest of the session goes well, she gives me tools on how to approach conversations, how to show him i'm trying. i head back to the compound and change, i need to get my mind off of him. i walk into the gym and be it my luck, bucky is in there. he's in a tank too and i can see a fresh tattoo, i'm guessing to cover the hydra brand.
"oh i'm sorry, i'll leave you alone." he says and goes to walk out.
"don't worry about it, i'm just gonna be on the treadmill if you want to stay." i say as i turn the machine on. he's hesitant but agrees.
"hey bucky?"
"yes"
"i-" i get quiet for a second
"you what?" he asks walking closer
my breath hitches in my throat, "i forgive you" i whisper
"i appreciate that but the thing is i don't forgive myself." and with that he leaves and i'm frustrated.
i've lost the want to workout so i go and shower, my heart won't let me think of anything else.

about a month later

nat knocks on my door and we begin talking.
"nat what do i do?" i ask. "there is something about him that just.... it hits me different. i can't tell if it's the metal arm, the remorse i feel for him, or if it's his damn blue eyes."
she laughs at me, "bri, are you catching feelings for buck?" i'm astonished, but it's a fair question.
"i don't know, i mean he's not ugly, i'm glad bruce and tony have him a hair cut though. i can't like him, he doesn't trust himself around me."
"maybe you need to show him that you trust him, be vulnerable." damn her, why does she have to be right. i don't say anything in return. instead we turn on a movie and sit in silence. i eventually fall asleep.
there is a man standing over me, i had just been beaten senseless, everything is blurry but i can make out his figure. it's the leader of this whole shitshow. he grins at me and my whole body rejects it, i know what's about to happen. he grabs the branding iron off of hot coals and comes close to my hip. it's so hot i can smell the burning flesh before it even touches me. i wince, knowing i have no control over the next few moments.
as it touches me i wake up and scream. the scream is silent but the tears are real. streaming down my face like an endless reservoir of sadness. i trace my fingers of the small brand of the hydra logo on my hip. as much as i have tried to move on, that's the one thing that constantly reminds me of the hell i lived through. it's time to change that, i'm gonna tattoo over it. i know bucky has.
damn it, he's on my mind again. but i don't hate it.

authors note: does she catch feelings? more importantly does he? comment and vote
xoxo