infatuated

chapter 11:

buckys pov

"she had a miscarriage, the force of the throw from loki caused internal bleeding, i'm sorry." everyone leaves me and i feel my heart shatter. i look at her through the small window and all i want to do is hug her.

laying in bed my brain won't shut off. if she wouldn't have gone on that stupid mission this wouldn't have happened. it's her fault. i don't want to be mad at her but i can feel my blood boiling. this whole pregnancy has been a mess and i got no say in any of it.

i need to get my mind of off this whole situation. i go to steve's room and ask if he wants to go out and get some drinks with me. even if i can't get drunk, i'll be too busy trying to focus on the environment. he agrees and we leave. i drink a few beers but i can't find comfort in these bar stools. steve has found comfort in a red head, i haven't seen them break away for air for a while now. a few girls have come up to me, tits out and drunk on something. i'm not interested. all i can think about is brielle and the pain she must be going through. i slip the bartender a 20. i can't be here, i need her in my arms. i need her to know i'm not mad at her. i need her to know i love her. i leave steve at the bar and rush home. i burst through the doors and i am met by her standing in the kitchen. the instant she sees me her eyes fill with tears. i walk up and pull her into a hug. she falls into it and sobs, soaking my shirt. i could care less. i pick her up and carry her to my room.
"bucky i'm so sorry. i'm sorry i didn't tell you. i'm sorry i ruined our relationship. i'm so-" i cut her off with a kiss.
"doll, don't be sorry. i'm not mad. the timing was off. i'm sorry i yelled. i'm sorry i said i regret asking you to me my girlfriend. i can't bear the thought of losing you again." i lay my heart out on the line.
"you never lost me, i've been here the entire time and i'm never going anywhere. ever." she kisses me and then she backs up and gives me a small grin.
"i'm gonna go shower buck, i'll be right back." and with that she heads upstairs and i hear my door close.

while she was in the shower i went and got her some pajamas from her room and her favorite pillow. there was no way i was sleeping without her tonight.

brielle pov

once i got out of the shower i was met by pajamas on the counter and a note written in the foggy mirror, "love buck." i smile and change and head out to his room. he's perched up against the headboard with a book in his hand, the hobbit, one of his favorites. i get into bed and snuggle up next to him. he begins to read to me and i fall asleep to the sound of his voice.

i wake up the next morning to an empty bed but the sound of laughter in the kitchen tells me i'm not alone. i get out of bed and slip into my slippers. i head down stairs and get trampled by small children, my nieces and nephews are here.

"hey bro." clint and i have never been close but i still love him. he gives me a worried look but i brush it off. i'm not gonna bore him with the details of my life right now. instead i enjoy my breakfast, sitting close to bucky. my nephews are obsessed with bucky's arm, the keep trying to fight him. he just chuckles in response and playfully fights back. my heart aches, he'd be such a good dad. i lean my head on his shoulder and he kisses my forehead. i hope he knows how sorry i am.
'she's so beautiful , i want to....' wow ok bucky it's like 11 o'clock in the morning. i chuckle at the thought and he gives me a look.
"it's too early for that sir." i whisper.
"stop reading my mind or else." he playfully threatens.
"or else what buck?" i grin up at him.
he doesn't respond, he simply grabs my hand and excuses us for a moment.

we barely make it throw his bedroom door before his hands find their way into my shirt.
"bucky, you know i can't, doctor's orders." i haven't fully healed from the miscarriage and any extreme muscle strain or movement could rip the stitches. he sighs and he locks eyes with me for a moment, they're dark with desire. a desire i so wish to fulfill. he grabs me and kisses me once more. the kiss was passionate and long.

"hey bucky, you have a call- oh i'm sorry." bucky pulls away and steve is at the door.
"you need to learn to knock old man or else i'm gonna break up you and nat one day." steve turns pale, him and nat have been-?
"no one knows about that buck." he hands bucky the phone.
"everyone who shares walls with you knows, your just as loud as us. if not worse." bucky pushes steve out the door and answers the phone. he gets serious and walks out onto his balcony. i occupy myself with my phone. he comes back in all puffy eyed and red.
"buck are you ok?" he never cries unless it's serious. he doesn't respond he just falls into my arms and starts to sob again. my heart shatters.
"baby, it's ok. what happened?" i run my fingers through his hair, hoping to call him down.
"my best friend died..." he mumbles into my chest. his best friend? we just saw steve.
"not steve, the only guy i had when i was first taken by hydra. the first friend i made in the army. he died and i didn't even know he was still alive." he doesn't say anything else. i feel his shoulders drop with guilt.
"i'm so sorry. how can i make you feel better?"
he perks up and places each of his hands by sides, hoisting himself up. he lifts an eyebrow and i watch his eyes travel down my body.
"you know what would make me feel loads better?" he hovers over my lips and grins. i know exactly what he's thinking, the curse of being able to mind read. i don't get surprises.
"buck i can't" i stop for a moment. "we can't but i can help relieve some stress." i say and throw my hair into a ponytail. his eyes widen with realization and i drop to my knees.

authors note: i apologize for all the previous spelling errors, i type fast and write at night.
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