Hello, its been a while. How has everyone been?
I honestly have experienced a lot. My mental health has been diving in the waters and flying in the sky so frequently. I haven't been able to keep my mental health stable even for a day and its bothering me. Its scaring me. I have a lot of work to do but can do it due to this. I don't know if I'm making an excuse, I really can't talk to anyone about it because I'm afraid they don't understand. They might not even know or believe me. That's why I decided to just write it down, or distract myself. Although I've been forcing myself to do the works without actually having the strength too.
Sometimes I work good under pressure. But that was until I finally realized how important my mental health was. But I've also been feeling like I'm letting myself sink too much. I'm letting myself go and worriless too much, if that even makes sense.
Argh, I feel like a total ass. Total lazy idiot and stupid little shit. I don't want this shit anymore but what else can I do? I just can't disappear right? I can't hurt others, especially those who are important to me. I - I don't want to breath sometimes, actually a lot. I don't want o face my fears, I don't want to face reality, I just don't want to wake up anymore. I want to sleep forever.
Maybe then, I will ever be truly happy.
idk
