ETHAN HUNTER

Confessions not Accusations

"If I had my life to live again,
I'd find you sooner...."

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Hunter, 23 May, 2008

I wake up every day only to live a loop. It feels like we're living the same day over and over again. Nothing ever changes except for my father's torture tactics. Well, I'm the bad sibling. The useless one. The troublemaker. Not so good for our family, any family for that matter. I get it why I deserve this. But Ethan. He deserves better. He's the type of boy that any parent would ask for. Ethan doesn't deserve a douche dad like ours. I wish things changed. Atleast for him. Or maybe nothing changes by itself. Maybe I've gotta do something.

Savannah...

I just couldn't take my mind off of that journal and what he had written. When I left the attic this morning I left the journal there, I thought it's best if I left it there. I could go there and read it whenever I'd have to.

When I returned to our room Ethan was sound asleep like a little baby. I wondered if it was even him. Because if it was Ethan and if I went missing, he for sure will not be sleeping, he probably would've split this house to two halves. So it should've been Hunter who fell asleep here. Oh yeah that's what a man who went after his brother's wife would do right??!! Anyways, I stopped debating to myself and quietly got on the bed and under the blanket and put myself to sleep. I could do nothing more, I was dead tired staying awake the whole night.

When I woke up somewhat midday I thought my mind will be calm but no, I was still puzzled and constantly debating to myself over what happened last night and what I was supposed to do about it.

"Savannah?" Karen's voice knocked me out of my reverie. I turned to her and nodded at her, my head still buzzing with questions.

"You seem worried. Are you okay?" She asked with atmost concern.

"Yeah, I-I'm fine. I'm fine." I managed to speak, which she clearly didn't buy.
Karen raised her eyebrows and cleared her throat in disapproval.

"What?! People say they feel fine. You can say that right?" I tried to managed.

"Come on, Sav. Anybody can say you're not okay. You know you can talk to me right?"

"I know Kare, but I'm fine. Really." To which she creased her brows and puckered her lips. She didn't buy it this time either. God I suck at this.

"Okay, here's the thing. I found this journal in the attic last night. It was Hunter's." From the way her eyes widened, I could say that Karen was shocked.

"Yes, it was Hunter's. I may have read few of his entries and now I just couldn't take my mind off of it. It feels soo disturbing. Something from that journal hit me hard. I can't quite put a finger on it. . I mean I could say what a teenager who had a screwed up childhood will have to write in a journal, but... Ugh. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it felt oddly familiar. I mean what if I'm delusional, what if Ethan's alter aka brother did nothing to me. As in, can all of this even be real. I know this sounds absurd. But all of these thoughts just wouldn't stop bothering me and I just couldn't get over with it. A-and I....."

"Savannah. Savannah?! Just stop and, and just breathe. Okay?!" Karen interrupted my ranting.

I caught my breath, as she said, then calmed myself and looked up at her, totally embarassed.

"Sav, have you listened to yourself?! You're clearly overthinking, and nothing makes sense." She sounded fairly concerned. Now I'm pretty sure Karen thinks I am 'delusional'.