TW: Eating disorders, mentions of self harm
Some of you know that i hate the way i look. but that is an understatement.
i actually might get plastic surgery
i want to, at least.
so, yeah.
and of course, most of you know that i am extremely insecure, so yeah
ofc i have a face reveal and legit everyone said i'm pretty.
i have a song for everyone u called me pretty
mkay so it goes like this
WHY THE FUCK YOU LYIN
WHY YOU ALWAYS LYIN
MMMM OH MY GOD
STOP FUCKING LYIN
anygay
no thanks for saying i am but i'm not
sooooo
uhm
YEAH
anyway, it got so bad that for the first time, about maybe 2 months ago, i made myself throw up. nothing really came up, even though i suck my my fingers down my throat 5 or 6 times. because i hadn't eaten much. i told all my friends, the first person i told was actually -sobored- , then i told my sis, santanassidehoe , then i told my other friends. and they were a reaaaally supportive. i lasted 3 weeks. then i did it again. i told everyone and they were really supportive. i haven't done it since so, that is good. but i have thought about it, and i really want to.
now i have also starved myself
(PLZ THIS IS SO HARD TO WRITE)
i did it sometimes, then ate other days. then, for a whole month i ate almost nothing. like one thing per day, and sometimes going a full day without eating anything. needless to say, i'm still physically hurting from that b/c it fucked up my metabolism, and made me fatigued. i still go days without eating anything, but i'm getting a bit better. mainly cuz my friends don't want me doing this to myself and if i did they'd be sad and i'd feel guilty. actually the first time i did it, i nearly cut because i felt like a disappointment. i promised two people that i wouldn't do it, then i did, so i felt pretty fucking worthless. after the second time, i promised more people i wouldn't do it. so if i were to do it now, i'd feel terrible. it's very hard not to. but i forgot something. people die from doing this to themselves. one of my irl acquaintances nearly died from anorexia. so that's scary. and making urself throw can kill you too. and once you start, it's hard to stop, so i wish i never started.
in truth, i don't actually want to die, i just want the pain to go away.
anyway, as hard as that was to write, i hope it helps someone.
don't do it, i promise it really isn't worth it. i feels good for like a second, but you feel guilty afterwards.
