The Last Dixon

Tᴇɴ- 𝙰𝚒𝚗'𝚝 𝙽𝚘 𝚂𝚞𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚎

Nothing could've prepared me for that day.

When we returned to the highway, Sophia was still missing. I collapsed to the ground, physically exhausted, and mentally trying to hold everything back.

I wanted so badly to just run back to the woods and search until my legs gave out, but they already had.

I hid in the RV like a coward and cried while Rick, Shane, Daryl, and Glenn all went to search for Sophia.

Like a coward, I hid. I didn't want anyone to see my pain. I didn't want them to see me as weak for crying.

I exited the RV after a while after I felt like you couldn't tell I'd been crying. I waited for my brothers' return far away from Carol. She'd trusted me with her daughters' safety so many times, and I hadn't failed her until that day. I was so ashamed.

No one knew what happened to me. Daryl and I never said anything, and the guys all set out to find Sophia as soon as we realized she never came back.

I sat on the asphalt, my knees to my chest as I waited. The position was painful, but I felt like I deserved it. It was punishment for being so . . . useless.

When Rick and Daryl returned without Sophia, Carol broke down, and when they explained why they couldn't search any longer, she got upset.

She turned to Rick and me. "How could you just leave her there in the first place?" Her words were aimed at both of us, and then her attention was aimed at me. "You promised." She whimpered.

Like a dagger to the heart, I couldn't even say anything. I couldn't even look at her. I stared down at the ground, my nails digging into my palms painfully, not stopping when the skin broke.

The fact that she knew, the fact that Sophia told her . . . it made it hurt all the more.

I didn't sleep at all. I sat on top of the RV, waiting, hoping, praying that she'd emerge from the woods. When it didn't happen I was angry.

"Y'should get some sleep." I hadn't even noticed when my brother climbed onto the roof. I kept my eyes on the tree line. I shook my head, declining his offer.
"Should at least try."

"I promised." My voice broke. All I could think about was if she was okay, or if she was even alive. I never saw the walker that was across the creek when I woke up, I never saw the body. That was what scared me the most.

"Can't save everybody," Daryl murmured.

"No," I shook my head. "But I could've saved her."

The next day, Daryl couldn't have stopped me from going on the search even if he tried, and he knew that. He also knew that I hadn't gotten a wink of sleep, so he stayed by my side the whole time.

Nobody had even attempted to talk to me. I could only assume that it was because I lost her. They all looked at me with pitiful eyes, and I hated it.

When Carl had announced that he wanted to look too, I silently begged for them to tell him, no, but they didn't. I promised him too. Was that another promise that I would break?

So as we trudged through the woods, I never left Carl's side, and Daryl never left mine.

If I wasn't so upset about Sophia, I would've joked about Carl's new bodyguards.

The longer we searched, the more nothing we found—it made me feel like even more shit. I couldn't help but check over everything three times before moving on. I felt so stupid. I should've had the walkers chase me until Rick came back, I should've kept a close eye on Sophia.