𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 ✔︎

||19||

I couldn't more hold myself.

I had to leave,leave without delaying an ounce of thought, without worrying about my job which had roped me this long. I squeezed the letter inside my grip made of strong fingers crossed. It was creased in every flat surface . Babar noticed me with slumped shoulder and wondering, perplexed eyes.

“ What's the matter? Whose letter have you got?” he asked for an answer I didn't like to give. I let a trance of silence land among us. Noticing his restlessness increasing,I told him,

“ I am leaving the camp.Today. ” my eyelashes clumped with tears untill I shut them for a long period while saying. I literally felt killing myself for acting such emotional in front of Babar. Yet,Those emotions were uncontrollable. I couldn't figure which itched me the most,anger or pain.

“ What! Why? ” an expected question came from him,I stuttered to say him,

“ L-leave mm-me alone. Please”  I pleaded like an infant,he agreed. Last time having an outermost gaze on me,he took his steps out of the room.

I only thing I kept asking myself in order to get the answer from someone else,

Why Husna! Why?!

A sinister part of me kept screaming it for a moment untill I lifted my weary body from the bed,blooddrops pouring from the wounded knuckles were clotted still they made run few burning chills through my body. I felt ashamed to hurt myself,to hurt my body which doesn't even belong to me but to Allah.

“ Are you sure Mr Bilal Akhter? If you leave right now,you won't be able to get the promotion at least in two years ”  my group captain,Mr Gias dragged his last syllables while saying as he heard that I had to leave the camp in a hectic motion without any pre-notice or application.

“ I am sure,sir. I will leave this camp right now as fast as the authority provide me a departure approved letter” I tauted my jaw while spitting.

“ This may harm your promotions as an army, precisely it is a compulsory camp for everyone ” he still proceeded warning every bits of risks I was taking with my profession.

“ I do not care,sir” I probably sounded rude enough that he frowned his eyebrows at me giving me the most disappointed look.

“ Fine, but the policy of your approval in this camp includes if you want to leave,you must—I repeat you must have a valid and solid reason.”

Reason?

What reason would I tell him?

My wife was not enough trust worthy to take care of my paralyzed mother?

What could be worse than that?

I felt scarcity of words,there was drought in my throat. I needed to water it soon unless it became wood.

“ Sir,My mother is so ill that I need to reach her immediately. It's an emergency. If I don't,I fear—she will—die ” I felt the last word hitching my breath and break all the liveful bones of my body. I let it remain unsaid to Sir.

“ She will?” Sir asked, curiosity glistening in his eyes.

“ She will die ” I firmly bit my inner cheek after saying. The burning in my heart grew more flammable.

I saw Mr Gias gasp and brushed his forehead with his index finger. I thought he wanted to say something and then paused.

He softened his stout voice,

“ Write an application. I will see what I can do ”

He stiffled a dry cough.

“ I have no second choice,sir. Either I leave this camp with due formalities or quit my job as an army.I have no other reason bigger than my Ma to join this camp. And she is also the reason I will leave this camp.” I hardly fountained all the tears inside my eyes to not cascade from their lines, beyond my eyelashes.

How weak I had become!

“ Hmm.” sir mumbled as I wondered if he had reached the depths of my situation that time. I would rather not bear his refusal than running away from the place. But I respect my position, I respect my country...So I couldn't just leave without thinking once.

Most of the times,our group captains used to be strict,cold shouldered and hard on this matters. Thankfully,mine was not. He made my ways easy and offered me to leave— with my job still pending at its place. I was grateful to him and Almighty,but not in the state to show it to them.

“ You can go now.” after an hour Babar came and gave me the news that Mr Gias had conducted all the possible ways to get me out of the camp.

I hurried on every step to rush towards the familiar face, yearning to see it safe and sound.

I am coming Ma.

I am coming.

Sorry, I kept you in the hands of some unworthy.

Forgive me.

Don't fade away, don't leave me this soon.

Please.

My heart kept chirping those words at reducing each distance that binded a son far from a mother. I couldn't Forgive myself if it was too late.

While in the another core of my heart,rage started boiling,the rage of distrust and betray. I suddenly hated the name  I wanted to love,even already loved—Husna.

A/N: keep in mind that Bilal is leaving for home at the same time when Husna is out of town,in her parents' house :-\

Hehe.I know I am evil.O_o