Living Without Dreams

Chapter 19 - Box Day

Susan was up before dawn the next morning. Despite the fact they were now closer to the school and no longer needed to drive Zackary or Jessie to the bus stop, Susan couldn't shake the feeling of having a lot to do. It bothered her that they were now beginning their third week since arriving home and neither of them had a solid lead on finding a job. Thinking that changing that would give her plenty to do until their boxes arrived, Susan got the two children breakfast and off to school before going directly upstairs. She'd been there an hour before Greg came looking for her.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Getting my office space set up, checking websites, getting my job search notes organized, trying to generate a few new leads," Susan answered.

"Have Jessie and Zackary already left for school?" Greg asked, wishing once again for their clock.

"Yes, an hour ago. I couldn't sleep and you finally were, so I didn't want to wake you," she explained. "Is Matthew still sleeping? He was last time I checked."

"I think so. I haven't seen him and everything seems quiet in that part of the house," Greg said.

Susan smiled as she sat back in her chair.

"Did you sleep at all, Susan?"

"Some. Ironically, I slept much better with you night before last, while you were having your dream," she shared.

Greg looked at her wryly. "I did too, actually. Last night as I meditated on it, I realized that particular dream has caused me the same sort of problem repeatedly over the years."

"I'm not surprised," she told him.

Greg arched a questioning brow.

"I've dreamed that dream myself, many times. I know what it contains," she reminded him. "Thinking of Isaac and Penelope works better," she advised.

"No doubt," Greg agreed. "Sexual episodes for men in their eighties are nowhere near as erotic as those for men in their twenties."

Susan shared with him a knowing smile.

"Susan, I want you to know that I deeply regret the trouble I caused for us last evening."

"I know, Greg; and I don't hold it against you. God might, but I don't. You're human, with human biology and human failings. And we've shared too much over the years and over our various lifetimes to not feel the impact of being so connected. We're going to feel the things that go wrong for each other, as well as the things that are right ... and sometimes I think the two get confused. I've been sitting here wondering if in part, that's what happened to us last night. You were telling me something was a sin that I'd been thinking of as a blessing," Susan said.

"A blessing?" Greg asked nonplussed.

"Yes, since before I knew better, the only possible effect of what happened was that it made me feel better about myself ... though I thought it might be a little embarrassing for you," she explained.

Greg smiled. "I see what you mean. None the less, I do believe sometimes you are far too generous in your readiness to forgive me."

"Are you complaining?"

"No, not really," he assured her.

Susan smiled. "So, what are you going to do today?"

"Unpack boxes I think. As soon as Richard or Marion calls me," Greg replied.

"And until then?"

"I will do what I can to prepare," Greg told her and he settled himself at his own computer, leaving Susan to work.