Cat? What a joke...

10. The voice

Cold wind blew his naked body and shiver ran down his spine. He hugged himself.

There is no way...

He stared at closed door with glass eyes.

There is no way I...

Air didn't come into his lungs, blood didn't ran in his veins. Everything stopped.

There is no way I messed this up.

He saw him, Shouta knew, he hated him now.

He put his hand over his mouth, to not make any sound, while he curled into himself. Tears rolled down his cheeks.

No way...

His head, face, neck his whole body hurt but that was nothing compare the unbearable pain in his chest. More tiers appeared and hysteric cry bubbled under his ribs, but even thou he shook his head.

No... I can't cry here, he would hear it and hate me even more. I must go away, disappear. I can't upset him even more, I can't make him feel guilty. This is my fault, my and only mine.

He took few shaky breaths and tried to steady them, then transformed with whatever strength he had left.

A wave of relief made him think.

Everything was better as a cat. He couldn't cry, emotions didn't hurt him so much, they were dull. It was so much easier to be like that, just surviving and enjoying current moment... Why did he even bothered to become a human on a first place? He doesn't understand them, their society, their emotions, and relationships he didn't know how to deal with any of those. Why are they so complicated? Or is he just primitive? Maybe he should stay like this and just forget about this bad joke. Maybe-

No!

He wanted to kick himself.

I can't leave Toshi, he would be devastated!

...Are you sure?

Said the tiny voice in his head, voice he didn't heard for so many years. Voice, that bring him nightmares. Inko's voice.

He quickened his pace, leaving behind Shouta's place.

I am sure! I am his pop, his parent.

Maybe, but don't forget who you are, you don't belong between them. Wouldn't someone do a better job at parenting than you? Aizawa, true hero, would surlily take him under his wing and would be better at everything than you. Hitoshi admires him, he is his hero, what are you?

He bit his tongue.

Go away.

What are you?

Go away!

What are you compare to all of them?

I said go away!

...Go away? I am your insecurity I never left.

He looked straight to see his path to concentrate on anything other than that fucking voice.

He can't leave Toshi, he knew that, he doesn't want to hurt him in any way.

Wouldn't you leaving him be a blessing for him?

No, he will just have to do better, for him. Everything is for him. He will learn more, work more, do better, just do better.

Would that be enough?