ℭ𝔥𝔞𝔪𝔭𝔞𝔤𝔫𝔢, ℭ𝔬𝔠𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔢, 𝔞𝔫𝔡... 𝔚𝔦𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔖𝔨𝔲𝔩𝔩𝔰?

𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔢 𝔡𝔞𝔶𝔰; 𝔧𝔬𝔲𝔯𝔫𝔞𝔩 𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔯𝔶 𝔱𝔴𝔬

day two,

     today, I overheard a couple guards saying that tomorrow is my execution is the day after tomorrow, at around dusk. they'd let me see the sunset one last time, how kind.

I didn't get much sleep last night. the sound of rats, the cold, and the constant thought of Solar kept me awake well into the night. shame, really. this bed looked super comfy. note my sarcasm.

I didn't get fed today, either. guess they're hoping I die from hunger before tomorrow. shame, really. there was a lot of things I still wanted to do before I died. Meet Phil's sons, see Solar and Ranboo get married—not to each other, they're like brothers—maybe see them grow old. I never planned on staying around long, the second they found someone who could take care of them the way I did, I spanned on going out to sea. I've always been drawn to the sea, ever since I was little. Phil used to tell me stories about his adventures, creatures of the deep and underwater ruins, it was something I'd always wanted to see. I've always wanted to go to the Nether Realm, too. I used go read about it a lot. apparently. its covered in red and surrounded by lava, and there's special materials you can only get there. not just herbs I'd steal to make potions to sell to travelers. apparently, there's a material there that makes armor stronger than diamond, for awhile I thought that was fake.

I saw a traveler come from the portal in town, his skin was pink and he had light pink hair as well. he didn't look much older than 12, but people feared him nonetheless. he traded with Phil, giving Phil his armor in return for something. I never saw what he got from Phil cause Ranboo pulled me away to play with him by the ocean.
Ranboo was never able to actually touch the water, but he still loved the sound of it. the waves crashing against the rocks below calmed us. we would sometimes sneak onto docked ships so see what it would be like to sail, we loved it. Solar always said he was going to travel to the Nether and become a warrior when he was older, but after a while he said he'd only fight for two or three years, then he'd come and find us. by then, Ranboo and I wanted to have a ship and a crew and be sailing the seas as feared pirates in some regions and loved sailors in others. we wanted there to be tails of us fearlessly taking down the kings ships, while also be tails of us freeing good people and getting them back to their homes.

but now, it seems Ranboo will have to do it alone. if Solar does escape, he probably will head straight to the Nether. maybe he'd send word to Ranboo that he was safe and he'd see him soon. Wish I'd be there to see it.

I still think about that traveler, though.
what did he want, and why was it worth his, obviously expensive, armor? and where was he now? 'he probably is dead' is what Solar used to tell me. It always made me wonder how I'd turn out if I went down the same path. things such as this haunt my dreams, haunt my brain, haunt me.

I can never escape my own mind. it always haunts me, no matter what. I can't sleep some nights because of it, other nights the thoughts soothe me into a deep slumber. those nights, its hard for even the sun to wake me.
recently, those nights have been coming less and less, though. nightmares of the ones I love dying keep me up. ironic, now. Im the one dying, but this is no nightmare. I wish it was.

I wish I spoke my mind, I wish more people would turn to me and ask "penny for your thoughts?", I wish I baked more, I wish I planted more things in the garden, I wish I met more people, I wish I found love, I wish I had the pleasure of kissing someone when it wasn't forced, I wish I had painted more, I wish I woke up earlier, I wish I stayed up later, I wish I went for late night walks more often, I wish I did a lot of things.
I guess the impending doom of execution really makes you look back on your life and think,

"what would my life be if I went on a different path?"

        - y/n c/n of Zonlicht, the village that is no more.