Atypical (Fruk)

7

"We are gathered here today to pay respects to Seamus Kirkland and the life he lived. He was a brother, son, friend, husband, and father....." I began to look at the casket with an unsettling feeling. My brother was in there, and I couldn't do anything about it. Our family was there gathered around mourning, and it was the worst feeling ever.

When the ceremony was over, I could go up to the casket and view him before they moved him to the cemetery. I had walked up to him just laying in there, and he looked peaceful. I felt relieved to be able to see him one last time, however, it won't erase all the guilt I have.

"I'm glad you were able to come, I'm sure it must have been hard to drop everything back where you live," Allistor suddenly spoke. "It's not a big deal; they are very understanding....." I spoke. My brother looked into the casket and began to pull me away. "Don't feel guilty about anything..... the last time we all spoke was a difficult situation. We all decided to go separate ways, and it doesn't help that neither of us gets along that well."

"I get that.... but my last words to him were cruel and ugly. I wish I could tell him sorry or let him know I really cared for him," I tried to explain. My brother shook his head at me in a reassuring way. "I'm sure he knew you were sorry.... don't sweat it," he tried to reassure. I looked up at him sadly and shrugged. "I'm sorry to you too, I think this really knocked some sense into me... I want to be closer to everyone again..... if that means moving back to Europe, then I will gladly do it," I spoke. My brother began to laugh, and he shook his head.

"Don't be ridiculous! You are living your life, and you should not be putting your needs aside. Besides!! I'm looking forward to you meeting someone and finally settling down. I'm sure you will find someone there," he teased. "Brother now is not the time to discuss that," I said seriously. "I know, but I just wanted to put that out there! It would be nice to take out my wedding suit again," he laughed nudging me.

The light-hearted air that he created finally made me smile and laugh along with him. Despite everything, I always knew he was a great brother to me. He saw me upset, and he made me feel better; that's what I love about him the most. Allistor will always be there for me emotionally when I need him.

~
When it was time for the Burial, I began to zone out when the priest began to talk. I couldn't help but think about how I'll never get to hear my brother laugh again, and it made me want to burst into tears. "Would anyone like to say anything?" The priest spoke.

I quickly offered to speak, and everyone looked at me, shocked. "I would...." I said nervously. I walked past my family and looked at everyone seriously. "I won't be long..... I just would like to say sorry to him. I know I don't come around often, and when I do, there somehow is something that goes wrong. That's what happened the last time..... my last conversation with him was an argument, and I can never take it back at all. However, I think that maybe I can still make it up to him by making sure this doesn't happen again."

"I'm sorry Seamus.... you were an amazing brother, and I took it for granted. I just hope now that you Rest In Peace and find eternal happiness," I added. I grabbed some soil from the pile beside the casket hole and slowly dropped some inside the burial hole. "Goodbye, brother..." I whispered sadly. I stood aside as I watched many people cry and do the same gesture I had done, which was dropping soil on the ground for him.

Once my brothers finished, they came up to me, and we all gave each other a group hug. "We missed you, Arthur," Peter spoke. "I missed you all too," I answered back.

~
That night as I lay in bed, I began to think of everything going on at the moment. Tomorrow I was returning to the states, and I would continue living. There was no time to waste! I nearly died, and after everything with my family, I don't want my life to go to waste. I'll do my best just to live the best I can and not take anything for granted. I'll go on more dates, and I'll travel a little more; I could do so much.

I suppose it couldn't hurt to try and make friends with certain people...  but it is hard to do that after many things. I breathed out deeply and looked at the ceiling of my room. The image of Francis flashed in my head, as well as the thought of him performing CPR on me, and I began to feel mixed emotions. That idiot, he shouldn't have wasted his time saving me.... now I owe him one. I suppose it does not hurt to try and make it up to him somehow.

How would I even do that, though? I'm not the greatest cook, and it would be weird to cook for him. I could buy him a gift, but maybe that's too intimate and gives off mixed signals. What best way to make it up to someone who saved your life? I already told him thank you, but I don't know what else to do. Or what would he want? I guess I could try asking, but I am unsure how that will go. It probably would not have the best outcome at all.