Fate Fell Short

Chapter Twenty Seven

Chapter Twenty Seven

"He only means well, Alex"

"He's too good to be true ain't he?"

"I'm the one undeserving of you."

That guilt in his eyes when he looked at me as I broke.

It all made sense now.

I couldn't breathe, I could only stare, my face giving way to nothing. Physical pain heals, I realize.

I couldn't think and I didn't want to.

His face held guilt.

"I don't believe you." I lied, my voice even. Maybe it was just that the realization hadn't hit me yet or maybe it was a way of my mind defending itself. Because I felt nothing.

My heart was crying but my body didn't acknowledge the fact.

He stood there, unmoving. His eyes gave away his anguish.

"My grandfather is dying" his voice was quiet, like the thoughts behind my eyes, "but it wasn't supposed to happen," he murmured, "I fell for you."

My mouth was dry and I trembled all over and yet I still refused to feel. He reached out to me but curled his fingers into a fist and pulled back in the last second, "I'm sorry"

He looked away, his chocolate eyes fixating on the wet grass, refusing to meet my disbelieving eyes, he reached behind him and pulled out a piece of folded up paper that was in his back pocket and slowly handed it to me.

I took it between my fingers feeling numb, his long fingers brushed against mine and I felt a single tingle shoot through my shaking hand. I unfolded the paper, and he watched me.

Without even knowing what was in there; I felt haunted.

It was like a punch in the gut when I glimpsed the contents of the paper. There, sprawled in my handwriting, was the list I made of the perfect guy. It was the exact copy of it but what made it worse and more real was that there were no markings on it, no ticks or little hearts anywhere, it was as it was before I started the whole ticking thing and it hurt; it hurt because he's been lying from the very beginning.

Still, I didn't waver, "My mother pays you?"

"Yes," he breathed

"Was it her who made the offer?"

He looked pained, and he hesitated before answering, "No"

I stared at him and he stared at me, I felt a dull ache begin to spread in my chest, a horrible gut feeling tangled my intestines and I was off balance again.

My world was falling apart.

"Your parents, they aren't in America are they?" I asked listlessly, "Were those two even your parents?"

"No they weren't, my parents are dead." He said it without emotion and I felt a pang of pain in my chest along with a bout of anger, was he trying to make me sympathize?

"I'm not trying to justify my actions if that's what you're thinking, I have a reason and I want you to know it before you do something stupid" he said

My anger flared.

"What if I do? You don't care! Life is cruel!" I burst out. My words were inspired by anger. I was hurt and I was angry and he was telling me I'd do something stupid. Was everything I did stupid? Was hurting myself stupid? Was feeling like a used cloth stupid? Was wishing to die sometimes stupid?