"Let's stop."
A hoarse whisper echoed in the dim library. The two males stood straight, facing eachother, a serious look in Xingqiu's eyes, as the other gazed at him. "Stop?" Chongyun managed to force out his voice. His hands gripped tightly on the ends of his top, head hung low.
"You know I can't do this. I have to hold up the family reputation. I can't be with, someone like you." Xingqiu muttered out, barely holding up his serious and cold glare.
The two of them had kept their relationship a secret for the longest time, Chongyun feared ruining Xingqiu's reputation, and Xingqiu didn't want to feel more of a disgrace than he already had to his honored family. Xingqiu's family expected much from him, like marrying someone of high status, a female.
Navy blue strands of hair covered his eyes, he clenched his hands tightly together and he walked away, nails digging into the palms of his pale hand. Chongyun stood alone in the cold, empty library, tears threatening to fall from his icy blue eyes. "I understand." He whispered, voice breaking, though no one was there to hear it but himself.
Oh how Chongyun wanted to break down, or scream, but all he could do was reassure himself that Xingqiu didn't mean it. He had to. He had no choice but to leave him alone. It's fine, it was expected was it not? He knew that Xingqiu had duties to fulfill, they were both male. What a disgrace he'd be if he was with him right?
Chongyun had offered that they run away together many times, but Xingqiu insisted that it'd only be a matter of time before they would be found. It would've been fine if he had just told Chongyun how he really just didn't want to, he liked the fame anyway. He would've understood. Who doesn't like the attention?
He stood in the doorway to the outside, rain pouring down, heavy. The umbrella Xingqiu and Chongyun used to walk to the library was gone. "Ah, Xingqiu must have taken it." It's fine. The saddened male walked in the downpour, tears mixing in with the water droplets that dropped onto his face. Once he arrived at the dorm the two of them shared, Xingqiu's stuff was already gone. Everything, every last bit he had of his lover had been taken away. He truly was alone wasn't he? Xingqiu really wasn't willing to lose it all for him. "I understand." He said once more, collapsing onto his bed face first, sobbing into the sheets.
Days had gone by, Chongyun desperately trying to move on from Xingqiu. Xingqiu seemed happier, his dark colored hair perfectly framing is small face as he spoke to merchants about business, hand holding tightly onto his fiancées. Man was she pretty, her hair was a blonde shade, a white flower tucked in the side of her hair, her smile bright and unbelievably stunning. Xingqiu's golden amber eyes shimmering and bright, while Chongyun's were dark and depressed. Empty.
Dark circles had formed under Chongyun's eyes, from the constant crying every single night and the lack of sleep. At night he slept with multiple pillows, cuddling them, but they never seemed to be enough to fill the emptiness and loneliness he felt.
Useless. He was absolutely useless without Xingqiu. Frustration built up inside of him, how could he let himself fall so hard for that boy? If he had never confessed, if he had never loved him, they would've still been friends. They would've gone on multiple adventures, laughing about the several times Chongyun had gone into fake haunted houses set up by Xingqiu.
Three months went on, Chongyun spent as much time as possible with his friends. He was always the one to set up meet ups and everything, everything and anything he could possibly do to escape his thoughts when he was alone. Chongyun seemed to move on somewhat, as long as he wasn't left alone for too long the thoughts never got to him.
Sometimes he wondered if Xingqiu still thought of him, they were eachothers first love after all. He hadn't seen Xingqiu for some time actually. Though he heard mutters of him every now and then. He could never decipher what they said, but really, he didn't want to.
"Chongyun! Did you hear?" Xiangling quickly approaced Chongyun, calling out to him.
"Hm? What's that Xiangling?"
"Xingqiu, he and his fiancée had a horrible fight on their wedding! His own family has disowned him or something‐ They said they refuse to be seen with someone who can't see through a simple marriage. "
"Xiangling I- I don't care." Chongyun stated clearly, he didn't want to know. Xingqiu was no longer a part of his life. She covered her mouth, realizing that she should have kept it to herself. Xiangling got ahead of herself at times and said things without thinking of the impact it had on others. She apologized several times, scurrying away.
Chongyun brushed it off, continuing on with his day. The following day, someone else called out to him. A very familiar voice. He turned his head, Xingqiu running over to him. "Yun yun! We can be together now! I let her go, we can be together!" He exclaimed loudly, a bright smile on Xingqiu's face.
"No." Chongyun said, as much as he'd love to crawl back to his former lover, he didn't want to get hurt again. He knew that if Xingqiu's family had wanted him back, he'd go back. Chongyun will never be his first choice. "What?-" Xingqiu softly questioned.
"I said, no. You're going to leave again. What's the point? I'm never going to be first. As soon as they want you back, you'll be gone within a second. I'm not making the same mistakes." He said firmly to the other. Xingqiu's expression sunk, nodding his head and leaving. See? Even Xingqiu knew that was what would happen.
A week or so later, it turns out that they did want Xingqiu back, and he ran right back to them. Apologizing to everyone for his rash decisions. In the end, Xingqiu never really did love him, just the fame and love he received from strangers.
MY GOD I MADE HIM SO BRATTY SJFBAUDB- I'M SORRY XINGQIU ILY
most of this is ooc because yes :)
