AOT Oneshots/Headcannons

#4 Kenny x F!Self Harming!Reader

Requested by kelly20008

Type: Angst

Reader: Fem!Self Harming

Title: Negative Thoughts

Reminder. Self harm is a serious issue and should not be taken lightly. It's not to be romanticized and it is not cute. I have never dealt with self harm so this may be inaccurate and I apologize for that. Also don't trauma dump in the comments. I understand you may be going through things but I'm not your therapist.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR
SELF HARM

Y/n's POV

Me and Kenny had been dating for some time now. I've been distant with him, he hasn't done anything wrong it's just personal issues that he shouldn't have to deal with.

I walked into my bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror

I managed to make the top 10 and I chose the Military Police thinking I would help people... how foolish I was

I gripped the counter as I started getting upset

I watch all these people suffer while I get to take it easy... I don't deserve to be here living comfortably... I don't deserve any of it

My negative thoughts began taking over my head space as tears streamed down my face.

Other people work 10x harder than you and are suffering but you... you get to relax... pathetic

I began to shake as I struggled to remain calm

You're a waste of space... look at how weak you are

I stared at my pathetic form in the mirror

Why are you so weak? Crying over being comfortable... what's wrong with you? Are you so entitled that you feel you're struggling just as bad as the others?

I grit my teeth as I pulled out my pocket knife

How pathetic... look at you... inflicting harm on your self... just to feel okay.... just to feel in control... just to repent for acting like a spoiled brat...

I opened the pocket knife as I shakily moved it towards my skin

Just do it... that's all you can do... because you're weak... cry like you always do... because you're worthless and you know it... no one buys that stupid smile you wear... they all know you're useless... they just pretend not to because they pity you...

The pocket knife cuts my skin and I flinch from the stinging pain. Eventually I get used to it and I continue

Look at you... cutting... imagine what Kenny would think... he would think you're disgusting... he'll finally see the real you...

As I continued, I heard the door open. My heart dropped as I turned around. The last person I wanted to find me was here. Kenny Ackerman. He was staring at me, specifically my arms. A disappointed look was evident in his eyes. He then made eye contact with me and frowned as he put his hat over his eyes. I wanted to shrivel up and die.

"What are you.. doing?" He asks. I couldn't respond as everything felt like it was going by too fast

"Put it down and clean yourself off..." He says. I continued to sob as I shakily put the pocket knife down. I then grab a towel and place it on my arm.

"Don't... don't do it again... I don't want to see this.." He says as he walks out. The minute he walked out, I dropped to my knees and sobbed my heart out

Look what you did... you ruin everything... just like you always do

(570 words)
5/16/21