S E X L E S S

REALITY BARKS

"Listen, doc, that's my private life."

"Ms.Nzuma, from the moment you spoke, you openly shared the fact you don't love that man. You're holding each other hostage in an unhealthy situation. None of you deserve that; think of your daughter."

"You know nothing. I say you know absolutely nothing about me."

"You are not in that relationship. You ditched that man and resigned from being his woman in your mind a long time ago. Perhaps when you were pregnant even. Your sexual issues are probably due to the fact you don't desire him anymore because he no longer represents an ideal."

Truth hurts, and reality bites like a pitbull dog who doesn't let go of your bleeding leg.

The end.

Margot feared it. Her heart drummed and exploded when she thought of the conversation. The woman didn't know how to begin. She thought of the breakup that night when they came back from their yoga class, just as she did the rest of the week and the week before it. Nathan was his usual self, but everything he did or said triggered Margot, who just wished to ring the alarm and end it.

Nathan still played Ghost Recon. He stopped when they arrived. Diva was in bed, and the parents too retired. Margot tried to find a comfortable position but sleep was impossible when Nathan pressed himself against her. The sensation of his pubic hair poking her skin made the hairs on her body stand. Margot didn't even have time to ask herself when the man took off his pants as her mind got absorbed by his heavy breathing that drove her nuts.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Everything you're doing."

"I'm not doing anything."

Margot sat up, "I don't want this. I'm tired of these sleep wars. I haven't closed my eyes in eight years, Nathan. Every single night you are there trying to fuck me, I'm sick of it."

"Wow, what's wrong, Margot? Isn't how relationships are supposed to be, filled with desire. What's the problem with me desiring you?"

Nathan was right, and so was the doctor when he said she didn't desire him.

The woman tapped her hand on the sheets, "everything, everything is wrong, we're wrong together. We don't make sense. Our story doesn't make sense."

Nathan blinked; it had been a while since Margot blew her let's-break-up horn. The man usually found a way to wiggle himself out of it. Remaining silent was excellent. It left no space for misinterpretations. Nathan would let Margot do her monologue, but then hell would break loose as Margot translated his lack of speech as though he wasn't listening; therefore, he didn't care.

Something was different that night. Margot spoke calmly, and Nathan understood it wasn't one of the woman's caution-you're-treading-on-broken-glass or warning-the-roof-is-on-fire talks. No, as soon as Margot said, "it's me. I can't do this anymore," Nathan knew he played in the final cut.

On the other side of Paris, Charya stared at his plants. He took them home. The man hadn't seen Margot for a month.

How was the woman?

The man recognized he had stepped out of line, but he could not control himself once he began to speak. The truth had to come out; Margot had to face it.

How many more years was she going to waste?

How many evenings of torment was she going to support?

Margot's boyfriend almost sounded like a molester when one listened to her explain what happened behind the closed door of their bedroom. Even if Margot didn't say no all the time, she showed great discontent with her starfish position. How could a man proceed knowing the woman just let him do for the sake of it?

Perhaps Margot had other mental issues, but her relationship was something she could deal with locally and rapidly if she chose. The couple didn't live in the '50s or bound by anything that law couldn't sort out.

The woman was witty, cute in her category, and she would have no difficulty starting anew. By the sound of it, her Ck model was a limited edition that everyone would jump once on the singles market. A breakup was a mere formality.

Margot had to choose for her body and mental well-being. And there was this man, Charya was sure her man could not be satisfied in this stringent relationship. If he was a little like Charya, he needed to feel his partner wanted him.

The doctor took himself as an example. Sex wasn't just an outlet to release tension. It first and foremost the physical expression of his emotions. The interaction communicated his sentiments, and he hoped it was how Fay perceived it.

He could not imagine a sexless life.

The man was not ashamed to assume his thoughts and even say it was a prerogative to a healthy relationship, at least one that included him.

At the same time, he wondered if love's sentiment wasn't enough when with the right person. Many couples had minimal intercourse, yet they had a strong bond.

The man found himself wondering if he could accept to be with someone with an HSDD [Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, when one has no or low sexdrive].

"Charya, what are you doing? come to bed."

"I'm coming."

The man went to his room. Fay smiled once he entered. She loved seeing him in his pajama pants without the top on, abs parading.

"What were you doing?"

"I was watering my plants," the man said and got under the sheets.

"I didn't know you had a green hand."

"Neither did I."

Fay snuggled up to him, and Charya wrapped his arms around her. Sex was important, but so was the rest, the comforting cuddles. The appeasing thought of knowing the person you loved was with you. The gestures were essential. One needed the ensemble in a relationship, moments of complicity, friendship. Things didn't always need to be sensual or have a sexual finality.

In that Margot's relationship lacked.

"We don't understand each other, Nathan. We don't speak the same language."

"What do you mean by we don't understand each other. I live to understand you, Margot. It's all I've been doing. I give you time and space. I even let you travel alone. Can you imagine that, Margot? We don't even go on holiday together? I trust you."

Margot sighed, "you do that because you know I'm unable to sleep with someone, and there's no risk."

"No, I do that because you tell me you need to be by yourself. I've respected every decision you've made, and you just keep crushing my balls with this. Tell me, Margot, what did I do? I feel you hate me so much, and I don't know why."

"You know why?"

"No, Margot, I don't get it."

"I don't love you, at least not the way I should."

Silence.

Not exactly, the clock ticked, and both could hear the Walking Dead theme as Rashan started an episode on Netflix.

"Listen, Margot, we're tired, and we should."

"No, Nathan, I don't want to sleep on it because I can't. Let's end this, now."

"Why, because of sex? Okay, let's not have sex, ever. You want me to see a prostitute, fine. Are we good?" Nathan didn't want to be cocky but the uncanny situation called in the man's cynical goofiness.

"No, Nathan, I don't want us to be together anymore."

"Why?"

"I told you."

No, I know you, Margot. A Gemini's grudge never dies."

"Do you want to know?"

"Tell me."

That night Nathan learned that some truths were better left unheard.