𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐖𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐁𝐞 | 𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐞 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐫 ✅

19 - Head First Into The Thick of It

The next week, I decided that I wanted to knit myself a new blanket for the coming winter months. I had Theresa tie my corset tightly and help me to get dressed, and then I dismissed her so I could brush my own hair and spray some of the expensive rose perfume. I wore a pair of earrings, but nothing else as I did not own a lot of jewellery. I went onto the landing and looked below. Jenny and Jamie were sitting in the living room talking. Jenny was sewing one of Jamie's shirts, but beyond that, the two of them were doing very little.

I came down the stairs and Jamie stood up as soon as he saw me, a formal greeting which he did for every woman who entered any room that he had ever been in.

"I'm going into town." I told them both, "I shall be gone overnight, I think, it's a fair ride and it's getting on into the afternoon already."

"The town?" The town was further than the village, "what do ye need there?" Jenny asked.

"Some wool," I replied, "I want to knit a new blanket for myself - winter's going to set in soon, and I dinna want to be cold, ye ken."

"Aye, it'll be bitter come winter." Jamie agreed, "ye can feel it in the air already." I nodded because I agreed with him. I myself had felt the frigid air for the last few days, and I knew that winter was already well on its way despite it being mid-August.

"What are ye doing?" I asked Jamie as I watched him pull on his boots, which had been warming by the fire.

"I'm coming with ye -"
"To the town?" I raised an eyebrow. "I'm capable of going myself -"
"Aye, I ken ye are, Eira, but I want to make sure that ye're safe, and I canna do that if I'm not there aside ye."

Jenny left the room, sensing that this was not a conversation that she should be involved with.

I frowned, "ye've got chores to be doing here -"
"Ian will do them for me." He paused, "it's only for one night, besides, isn't it?" I sighed. "What?" He asked, "do ye not want me there with ye? Whatever happened to the Eira who wrote that she never wished to be parted from me?"

I had indeed written that in a letter to him.

I sighed again, knowing that I would not win this conversation and make him see my side of view. "Aye, a'right, come ahead then, Jamie. I dinna want to be arriving after the market is over." I led the way out of the room and he followed behind.

* * * * *

We were well on the road before we spoke again. "Why did ye come, Jamie?" He opened his mouth to reply, but I cut him off before he could, "and dinna tell me it was for my safety because we both ken that's a lie."

A minute of silence passed as he mulled over his words before he spoke, "it wasna a complete lie, Eira, I do want to keep ye safe... but mostly I didna want ye to have to deal with Willie Faulkner again. I could sock the lad just for forcing ye to Lallybroch with him -"

"Willie's in the village, and we're going to the town." I reminded him, "I wouldna have met him, most likely." Jamie was silent. We rode on, but after another minute, I pressed him further. "It wouldna have nothing to do with ye wanting to spend some time with me, would it?" He didn't reply, "since ye've been back we've had no time to talk alone -"

"Aye." Jamie agreed quietly, "and if it makes me a bad man to want to be alone with ye, then I'm going to Hell -"
"Yer not a bad man, Jamie." I promised him, meaning every word. "Yer a man, and ye want things that are natural for any man - or woman - to want." He looked at me now. I swallowed, continuing, though I did not feel confident enough to speak. He was older, surely he knew more of the desire that drove men and women than I did? "Ye want to be with me, and spend time with me. I want the same things... I want ye to hold me like ye did in the field -"
"I shouldna have done that," he muttered to himself.

"Aye, but ye did, James Fraser and ye do not regret it." I waited for him to tell me that I was wrong, but he did not, "I dinna regret it either... I wanted ye to keep going."

He turned his head very quickly, staring at me in surprise. "Ye would have let me have my way with ye?" He didn't sound regretful - wishing that he had carried on with me that day a week before, instead his tone was one of disbelief.

"I dinna ken what I would have let ye do, but I ken that I want to do it again..." I blushed a deep red.

"We canna."

"I ken." There was not another word said on that matter. Instead, he began to tell me of Paris, clearly trying to avoid the thoughts inside of his head - inside both of our heads.

"Yer letters were the only things that kept me sane while I was there," he confided, clicking his tongue at his horse to spur it on forwards, rather than the leftwards direction in which it was looking. "Everytime one came, cousin Jared would tease me for the smile that would appear on my face." He paused, "and when I told him that ye were just a friend," I hoped that I was more than that to him, now, but I did not know entirely, "he told me that he'd ne'er seen anybody smile that much for the one they married, let alone a friend." He chuckled to himself.

"What?" I asked.

"He has a bet on it, actually."

"A bet?" I echoed, "on what?"

"On us." Jamie spoke as if the news of a bet was the most normal thing in the world. "Aye, he says we'll be wed afore the end of next year."

"But -"
"Dinna fash," Jamie waved a hand dismissively, "I told him it was a waste of good coin."

We went another mile - thirty minutes or so - in silence before I plucked up the courage to ask, "so who will ye marry, then?"

Jamie shrugged. "I dinna ken if I want to marry just yet. There's so much of Scotland - and the world - to see, though I get a terrible seasickness if I so much as set foot on a boat..." He trailed off. I did not speak again, nor did he. We rode for the next half an hour in silence, reaching the town around mid-afternoon.