𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐖𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐁𝐞 | 𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐞 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐫 ✅

14 - Christmas Wishes

As it was Christmas Day, there were only four maids who were working the next morning. Theresa was not one of them, so I didn't bother to call for assistance and instead I tied my own corset - not as loose as I liked it, but I was only going out to pick some fresh mint and to find some roses. I dressed in something drab so I wouldn't mind dirtying it in the snow, mud and ice, and I brushed out my hair. It was still straight from the night before, so it took me less than a minute to brush the knots from it entirely.

I tiptoed downstairs, careful not to wake anybody because it was not yet seven o'clock, and went into the kitchen for something small to eat before I returned later for breakfast.

When they saw me, the four maids' jaws dropped and their eyes widened.

"Morning." I said by way of a greeting as I went over to where my basket had been for weeks. It had been so long since I had last been in the kitchen that I had doubted it would still be there - but it was. I took it, smiled at the maids as I grabbed a bannock from the plate of them in the middle of the wooden kitchen table, and then left the house via the kitchen door, going straight out to the meadow in search of mint, which I knew grew around the edge of it. The roses, I knew, grew in the forest which was just past the meadow, but I did not want to venture in there in the darkness, so I resolved to wait until the dawn, which I was sure would come in about twenty minutes or so.

The mint, as Jenny had said, was not in season, but there was enough of it to make me happy, and so I picked the leaves and laid them in the bottom of the basket. When I was done, I raised my fingertips to my nose and inhaled deeply, loving how the smell of the mint seemed to instantly make my sense of smell feel sharper and more defined.

I stood up, smoothing down the creases in my skirt but not caring all that much about them, and ventured across the meadow to the forest. It was now almost dawn, and I was sure that I would be safe enough - the estate of Lallybroch was safe, I knew that. There had not been a crime committed here in almost twenty years, Jenny had told me at the beginning of last year.

The forest was dark; the thick leaves shaded the ground below and kept whatever warm air there might have been out entirely - but it was Christmas Day, and it had snowed for two weeks almost nonstop, and so there was no warmth in the air anyway. The roses that I was so fond of grew in the middle of the forest, where the leaves were not quite so dense. I hurried there, aware that Brian and Jenny would be waking soon. I found the rose bush, which grew at the foot of a large oak tree. Most of the blooms were dead, but there was one small one that looked as though it could be saved. I picked it and set it amongst the mint leaves before rising once more and hurrying back to the house. I couldn't wait to write my letter to Jamie.

I had to wait until that night, when Jenny and Brian had gone to bed before I could finish the letter that I had started before the Christmas Eve dinner the previous night. I sat down at my bureau once more and continued where I had left off before Jenny had come to retrieve me.

24th December 1738

Darling Jamie,

Your gifts arrived only today, so just in time. Happy Christmas! I did not know we were doing presents this year, so I didn't have anything special for you, but I went out and found a rose for you. I hope that you hold it and think of me, the way that I hold my rose and think of you.

I did not want to ask anything of you, but I need your help. Willie Faulkner and his da have been talking to your father, and Jenny thinks that Willie intends to ask for my hand in marriage. Jamie, I'm asking that you write to Brian and ask him not to give his permission until you return and we can find out where we stand. What is between us is more than what friends have between them, though I feel as though when you are here, we change and the Jamie that I get in a letter is different to the Jamie that I get at Lallybroch. I don't want two Jamies, I want my one, the written one, and so I ask you to ask your father to wait for your return. We need to talk, Jamie, and it cannot be done like this.

When you come home, I will read to you by the fire, and I hope that you will sit by my bed as I fall asleep. I didn't realise how much I would miss that until you were not here to do it anymore. I'm sorry for being angry with you for Paris; it was not your fault and I shouldn't have been. I know that you would never hurt me intentionally, and you were only following Brian's wishes... but that does not stop me from wishing you home sooner, and counting down the days until you return.

I miss you, James Fraser.

Affectionately,

Eira

I enclosed the rose in the envelope, silently applauding myself for having the sense to press it between two books all day, and then I sealed the envelope with some hot wax and my signet ring. I didn't wear it, but instead kept it locked inside a drawer of my bureau for when I had a letter to write. I put it aside, silently reminding myself to send one of the maids to town with it tomorrow. I got up and, since I was already in only my shift, I crawled into bed and closed my eyes, thinking of gorgeous blue eyes that had once matched the now-faded ribbon which was still tied around my wrist, and gorgeous red hair that I longed to run my fingers through.