𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐖𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐁𝐞 | 𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐞 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐫 ✅

10 - Unsent Love

James Fraser's POV

After docking at Calais and travelling to Paris, it took me several days to become acclimatised to my new surroundings, during which I spent very little time with cousin Jared and didn't even enrol at the university until I felt recovered from the terrible seasickness that I had suffered on the boat over.

And the very first thing that I did when I felt like myself again was to sit down at the desk in the room which Jared had given to me, and compose a letter.

2nd October 1738

To Eira,

I've been in Paris less than a week and I am already missing you terribly, mo chridhe. We parted on such terrible terms that my heart aches to even recall it, and to see your face everytime I close my eyes is agony. It feels as if I have left part of myself at Lallybroch, on the floor at your bedside. I hope that you find this part of me and keep it safe until I return. I did not want to leave again so soon, and I wish that I had had the opportunity to tell you that. I wish that I could tell you now; I wish that I could take you into my arms and hold you tightly for the rest of our lives. Eira, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm going out of my mind with desire for you, and there is nothing that I can do about it. My every thought is of you, my every move is driven by you. I need you like I need air to breathe and food to eat. You are my everything and I would do anything for you. Please wait for me to return. Willie Faulkner cannot give you what I can.

Until August 1739, my lady.

I exist for you entirely,

James Fraser

The next day, when Jared asked me if I had any post that I wanted to be sent to Scotland, I thought of the letter on my desk, and I thought about sending it. I imagined the post being delivered to Lallybroch in a few weeks, and Eira excitedly waiting for Jenny to give her the letter. I imagined my beloved opening the letter and reading it... and then laughing at me. I imagined Eira thinking me a fool because I had fallen for her entirely, when in reality she was in love with the tanner's lad.

"Jamie?" Jared pushed. I tumbled from my own thoughts, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Aye?"

"Have you any post for Scotland?"

I shook my head, "none."

Two Months Later

Christmas Eve, December 1738

Eira MacCraig's POV

By Christmas time, I still did not venture out of my room, though I now allowed Jenny in for an hour or so every day, though I insisted on Jenny's maid, Theresa, tending to me rather than Morag.

"Ye're looking quite fine in that dress, mistress." Theresa, unlike Morag, knew how to tie a corset properly. My corset was tight, giving me a gorgeous figure, and I had straightened my hair especially for the occasion. I was wearing rouge on my cheeks and bright red lipstick, and Jenny had lent me a pair of diamond earrings which had once belonged to her mother. In my Christmas dress, I looked quite beautiful, even if I did admit it to myself.

I wished that Jamie could see me.

My dress was a deep green velvet, quite fine and very expensive. I had insisted to Brian that I did not need it, but he had insisted as Jenny was getting a new dress anyway. She knocked on my bedroom door and Theresa and I both looked up to see her standing there in her new gown, which was made of the same material as mine, but in a gorgeous purple.

Jenny was very beautiful every day, but tonight she looked exquisite. Her hair had been twisted up into a knot at the back of her head, she had heeled shoes on, and a very expensive-looking jewellery set... but she looked sad. We both did, and I supposed that she was melancholic for the same reason as myself - we both missed Jamie, and we both wanted him at Lallybroch with us for Christmas.

"I'm so grateful that ye agreed to join us downstairs for tonight." She came further into the room and excused Theresa. The maid rushed out, leaving us alone. Jenny took my hand and led me over to the bed. She sat me down on the edge and then sat herself down closely beside me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked her, looking her up and down.

"No," she paused, reaching under her skirts slightly and bringing out a gift. It was wrapped haphazardly in brown paper, and was tied off with an ugly string bow. "This is from him, ye ken."

She put it into my hands. All I could do was stare at it.

It was ugly and wrapped terribly, but his fingers had danced across it, and he had breathed upon it as he had fought against the paper.

Jenny stood up, keeping one of her hands over both of mine which were clasped over the present for just a moment longer. "I'll tell Himself that ye're indisposed. Ye'll be down soon, though?"

I nodded at her. "Aye."

She had brought me a present from Jamie, the least I could do was keep my end of the bargain that we had struck a few weeks before when she had first reminded me of the annual Christmas Eve dinner at Lallybroch, where all of the tenants of the land came to the house and supped with their laird and his family.

Jenny smiled. "I'll see you shortly." I nodded and she closed the bedroom door behind her.