𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐖𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐁𝐞 | 𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐞 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐫 ✅

36 - Living On A Prayer

I steeled myself to get out of bed the next morning, feeling like every step stirred my stomach. Twice I had to stop and sit down in the middle of the draughty castle corridors, but I eventually made it down into the courtyard, a thick cloak wrapped around my shoulders to keep me warm. Somehow, it was colder at Leoch than it was at Lallybroch, and despite having been at the castle for less than twenty four hours, I was definitely feeling it.

Ian was saddling his horse when he noticed me. He looked up, "didna think ye'd be up yet, Eira, ye must be exhausted."
I nodded, "aye, I am, but I had to see ye off, didna I?"

Ian smiled, "ye ken as well as I that Jenny would have ye back in yer room waving from the window if she was here."
"Aye, well lucky that she is not, then." I paused, "ye'll be safe on yer journey home, Ian?"

He nodded, "Mrs Fitz packed me a basket of food, and the laird is sending me with two bottles of Leoch whiskey. We'll compare it to Lallybroch's, eh?"

I grinned, "ye'll have to let me know the difference."

"Aye, well maybe we should have brought some up with us."
I grinned, "it's one of the things that I'll miss about Lallybroch, aye." I agreed with him. "Ye'll be back with Jenny by dinner - are ye happy?"
"I'd rather ye were coming back with me," Ian frowned, looking up at the castle which looked foreboding over us from all four sides, "there are strangers here."
"Aye, but they're family." I told him, "Jamie's and the bairn's, and that makes them mine, doesna it?" I paused, "I dinna think I'll come to any harm here. I'll wait for Jamie, and when his name is cleared then we'll come home - the three of us."

Ian smiled, coming around the side of his horse so he was standing in front of me, "she'll be watching the road, ye ken, anytime she hears a horse coming up it." I nodded.

"Aye."
"And she'll have yer rooms ready for ye."

"We only need one." I paused, "married now, ye remember?"
"Aye," Ian chuckled, "I do." He looked up at the sky and bit his lip. "It's time for me to take my leave." Ian looked at me once more, "if ye feel unsafe, come straight home, do ye hear?" I nodded. "If ye canna get away, then get a letter to us somehow and I'll come for ye, Jamie or no. Ye're family, Eira, ye ken."
"I ken." I hugged him and he held his breath, slightly startled by my odd display of affection for him, but Ian had always been like a brother. He was Jamie's best male friend, Jenny's husband and he had known the three of us; Jenny, Jamie and I, as long as we had known each other.

I watched Ian out of the gates of Castle Leoch before I turned and wondered what to do with myself. It was still early; not even dawn, yet, and it was quite cold. I knew that I couldn't go back to my room and try to get some more sleep, and that I would not be welcome in the kitchen - Mrs Fitz was still a little frosty with me, though I wasn't sure why.

I walked around Leoch until I found a quiet room. I went in and saw that it had stained glass windows. As the early morning sun shone through them, I was dazzled by their beauty.

The orange colour, in particular, reminded me of my Jamie. With the sun's rays shining through it, it cast a gorgeous glow on the flagstone floor of the chapel that looked so much like his hair that I imagined running my fingers through his locks again.

I went and saw in the second pew from the front, bowing my head in prayer.

I prayed for only two things, "oh Lord, please bring my Jamie home safe to me, and let this baby be bright and healthy when it is born."