miserable

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T- kinda sad actually not really more like dark and unwanted nostalgia

Warning: Sexual Content

There I was, lying on his mattress, but not his mattress.  It belonged to another low-life's, like me, trying to slip into a world that released him from his miserable reality.  To be honest, I didn't even want to be there, but what else was I supposed to do?  Go back to the cold, vacant space that I call my apartment?  I'd rather numb myself to the pain than go back to that hell-hole.

He began to slip his hands under my blouse and remove my clothes, layer by layer.  I couldn't help but think of him as he undressed me.  It reminded me of that one night when we had returned from that Chase Atlantic concert.  It ended up being a rough night for both of us since we just couldn't get along.  Hah, maybe I should've realised that was a red flag, it might've hurt less than it does now.  Anyway, we went back to his apartment and there we were sitting on his mattress as tension roamed through the air.  The silence was almost deafening, but I was too angry with both him and myself for ruining the night.  I don't remember what happened in between but we ended up arguing at some point and them somehow ended up intertwined with other another.  Maybe it was his pitch black locks that shone in the dark as the city lights dimly reflected off them or those glistening golden eyes peering into my e/c eyes that aroused me.  Either way, I was still angry, but I guess I just couldn't hold back anymore.  Who would've known angry sex could've ended so catastrophically. 

His hands slithered down the back of my torso while he gently kissed upon my neck.  I remembered that night at the beach where we just couldn't keep our hands off each other.  He kept knicking my neck leaving marks everywhere.  I wasn't even able to count how many there were the next morning.  He did that often.  He liked to tease me like that.  liked that he teased me like that.

He slowly inched his way further down my body, spreading my legs wide enough for him to penetrate me with his tongue.  Once again, I was reminded of him.  That day after we came back from Victoria's Secret with some lingerie, I remember returning home and modeling the outfits for himHe signaled to me asking for me to come near him and that's when it all went down.  I got on top of him and ran my fingers through his silky, raven-coloured hair while twirling my tongue around his.  At some point, we reached my bed and by then I was already stripped.  Welp, that lingerie lasted a whole 10 seconds, totally worth it though.  Moving on, lol the irony, he wasted no time trying to pleasure me.  He held down my wrists with one hand, while the other was wrapped around my thigh, keeping my legs far enough apart for him to enter my body with his salivated tongue.

He emerged from my lower half and peered over my shoulder and whispered something in a raspy voice, "I'm going in." I thought about the night we first met.  We were just tagging along with some mutual friends.  Everyone else around was publically displaying his/her/their affection for someone else.  Meanwhile, neither of us had any place in the setting as we were the outliers here.  I guess that's where it all started.  Since it was just me and him who were free and single, we might as well get together and try it out.  This whole idea radiated bad vibes, but I ignored all the signs and went head in anyway.  Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn't that I liked him, but that I liked his body.  Maybe that's where it all went wrong.  It was never real for me and I bet it was never real for him either.  It was just pure convenience that brought us together in the first place, maybe that's all it ever was.

It felt disgusting knowing that someone else was touching my skin.  I wanted it to be him touching my skin, but he's not here and he's not coming back.  And if I didn't go through with it, I'd have to go home: bitter, miserable, and alone.

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Date: May 26, 2021

Word Count: 930 words

A note from Author~chan:  y'all I apologize for the constant hiatuses this'll probably be my last one cuz I've just been busy with AP Exams and Finals and ngl I kinda just got lazy for a hot minute there.  Anyway, sorry this might be really shitty and it's pretty short cuz I'm literally writing this at 3am instead of sleeping lmfao but some of y'alls comments really got me feeling motivated cuz y'all are too nice and I feel bad for not updating often.  If it's not too shitty, hopefully y'all enjoyed it and feel free to let me know what you'd like to hear next!!  I've said this way too many times I might be starting to annoy y'all, but I truly appreciate all of you cuz y'all really do make my day just by reading this bs and commenting and stuff so thank you!!

p.s. if any of y'all were confused his refers to Kuroo and "his" refers to the other guy y/n is with and left his identity to your imagination although while I was writing this I thought of Daishou Suguru cuz it just made sense to me lol

Also, that Victoria's Secret paragraph was a slight reference to another Kuroo fanfic that I read like a year back that I cannot find and don't know why since it had over 1M views but anyway the title was called "Victoria's Secret" by idk because I think the story got taken down but if anyone knows what I'm referring do please let me know so i can give proper credit.  it involved some other character named Sara who was his ex and y/n and kuroo were basically pretend dating to get his ex Sara jealous and he basically convinved y/n by spending money for lingerie at Victoria's Secret since y/n liked it.

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