𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐇

Chapter 36

Harry returned the memory to Malfoy’s cabinet and locked the door. He paused, staring at Malfoy’s school robes. They hung over the back of a chair, the Slytherin tie pin temporarily attached to the hood so it would not be lost. Harry reached out and stroked the robes, noting that these were a softer, higher quality material than his own. He thought about the life of luxury and privilege that Malfoy had led, brought up as the scion of an old, powerful, and well-respected family. He had never wanted for anything. His bed sheets had been silk, his every whim catered to by an army of house elves, his every desire given by his parents. How different they were.

He picked up the robes and buried his face in them, breathing deeply of Malfoy’s fragrance – something citrus like lemon, but warm like spice, a subtle blend that would only be sensed if one was close to him.

Harry wondered if Lucius had been aware of it beneath the imperius curse as he had penetrated his son and ripped him apart. Harry closed his eyes, wanting to block out the sight, the sounds, the blood, and Voldemort’s cruel gaze. Had the Death Eaters taken in the scent as they had forced Malfoy over and over, laughing at his pain, enjoying themselves with his screams ringing in their ears.

Harry abruptly dropped the robes and left the room. He needed to do something. He was filled with a violent energy, a shaking need to hit something or scream or shoot fire-bolts into the sky. It was as if he was full to bursting of some building and roiling power that threatened to burst into uncontrollable flames if he didn’t do something to release it. He wanted to find Voldemort’s body, resurrect it, and kill it over and over in the most terrible slow ways, to punished the Dark Lord for what he had done – to Harry, to his friends, to all the wizards and Muggles who had been his victims, but mostly, for what he had done to Draco Malfoy.

He ran down the valley, past Hagrid’s abandoned hut and towards the Forbidden Forest. He ran until his breath struggled in his lungs, until his legs burned, but the memory would not leave him.

Collapsing against a tree, he let out a scream of frustration and rage, hardly aware of its echo and the sudden silence in the forest around him. His wand was in his hand and, without thought or care he pointed it at the ancient oak in front of him. He did not utter a word or a breath or a need, but the tree burst into flames, then exploded, chucks of oak flew around him, but he was untouched. Rising to his feet, he let out another deep-throated scream and abruptly he was surrounded by a ring of fire, a shield of burning, boiling heat, Hell personified. He imagined every single one of the Death Eaters, Lucius, Bellatrix, Voldemort writing in pain around him, screaming for mercy, begging for their lives. He laughed, and imagined himself making the fire hotter, watching their flesh melt from their blackened bodies. It wasn’t good enough. It would never be good enough. His laughter turned into another howl of fury, then into tears.

The stink of singed hair brought him to his senses and he remembered uncontrollable, deadly fiendfyre. Abruptly he cast a powerful water charm and within seconds the whole area dripped and creaked and popped. Soot turned to black mud around Harry’s feet. A tree collapsed nearby showering him with bits of charcoal and splinters of shattered wood.

He did not feel better, he only felt empty.

He stood there for a long time, concentrating on the sounds and smells and sights around him, wanting this destruction to fill his mind and replace what he had seen, the guilt he knew would overtake him if he let it.

And he knew he would deserve it. Malfoy would never, ever forgive him if he knew that Harry had looked into his memories – no, not his – Lucius’s memories. Harry’s growing feelings, denied and confusing as they were, could never ever come to fruition. How could he ever attempt to touch Malfoy as a lover, or even as a friend, after what he had seen, after what Malfoy had experienced, and all because he had tried to protect Harry?