The Jeremy Gilbert Diaries Continued

3.26

"How do you know if a guy likes you?"

Holly blinked, her long dark hair flying over her shoulder as she turned to look at me.

I had no idea why I was thinking that, let alone said it out loud- but Holly had become my confidante, my ally, my partner-in-crime- whatever you want to call it- pretty damn fast, and I trusted her.

"That's a tough one, Jer. Why? You got a crush?"

"What? No."

She smiled, pointing her pencil at me accusedly. "You're a liar. Tell me, who is it- oh, is it that guy from the baseball team? Carter?"

"You mean... Carson?" I asked, puzzled. When she looked at me suspisiouly with a mischevious grin, I defended myself. "No, no, it's not him! Because it's nobody. Obviously."

Holly ignored this. "So you swing that way, huh?" She pulled her chair over closer to mine, putting the drawing she was supposed to be working in the back of her priorities.

She'd trapped me; I couldn't say no because I'd be lying, and I didn't want to do that. Asking her how to tell if a guy likes you certainly made me too obvious anyway.

Kol's been giving me mixed signals. Somedays he'll text me dumb jokes that make me laugh every hour and get all touchy when we hang out but others I get no signs of life, and if I do, they're brief.

"Sort of," I tried.

"Sort of?" She teased. "It's fine if you do, you know. Love is love."

"Really?" I sounded surprised, but I wasn't, really. I wasn't expecting anything other than support from her, and she nodded in affirmation. "Thanks, Holly."

"Of course. But don't change the subject.  Are you bi?"

"I think so."

"You think so? You're weird sometimes, you know... it's like you don't even know who you are."

That hit hard. Because it was true, she was right. Ever since I left Mystic Falls I've felt ike a stranger in my own body, as if I was living someone else's life. I don't know what I do or what I like. It hasn't felt like my life. I feel like there's something, maybe multiple somethings, that are missing. Whether it's just the people and places I left behind and I just miss them because they're all I've ever known until now or something deeper than that, I don't know.

My vision had lost focus as I was thinking. Holly placing her hand on my knee brought me back down to earth. "Sometimes I feel like I don't." I admitted to her, looking at my hands. What was it that felt so wrong?

"Hey. No need to psychoanalyze yourself. But if you ever wanna talk... I'm here."

I sighed. "Yeah, sorry. It's just this whole moving thing, leaving my family and home behind... it's been tough."

"I've been there. The only cure is time. I wish it was easier to deal with, but it isn't. You just have to get used to it. I did." She explained as she nodded in understanding, her english accent suddendly becoming more obvious as I was reminded it was there.

We had a moment of silent connection before she shoved my knee when she pulled her hand away, lightening the mood. "Soooo, who is it?"

I rolled my eyes, but smiled. "Forget I ever said anything."

"Fine- but don't think you're getting away with this." She responded playfully, and we went back to work.

I'm going  to meet Kol later, so goodbye for now.

Jeremy Gilbert

[A/N] Updating?? Never heard of her.

On a real note, sorry this took so long. School is absoluetely draining, especially when it's so close to summer break. Thanks for not forgetting about me <3

This was also my last pre-written chapter to type up so it's scary to realize I have to make everything up on the fly from now on. I do know the general direction of where things are going, it's just not written yet like everything else so far. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!

Much love,

chantivera 🖤